Meh, transitions in life can leave me feeling depressed. No matter how or when they show up, life changes can be disorienting. I have noticed that my brain will try and trick me from recognizing a change is taking place.
The wacky brain delusions happen quite a bit as if my mind is doing everything it can to keep me in the same exact spot in life.
It makes sense that my brain would want to stay in the same frame of mind as changing can be difficult. However, it still surprises me when after years and years of going through difficult transitions only to end up better off, my brain is still hard wired to hang on to the life it knows and has grown accustomed to.
I suppose I can’t blame my brain, millions of years of evolution have made it this way.
A thought came to me during meditation this morning, as I speak of change. There are two types.
Organic change and forced change.
Organic change happens on its own, by way of us living a certain way gradually our lives change.
Forced change happens when we make or take a drastic step to live differently.
Neither of these is better or worse than the other they are just different.
The thought that occurred to me during meditation was, “Is your life better than it has ever been?” My answer was yes, 100 times yes.
The voice came back and said, “Why do you want to try and do something different than what you are doing now, if what you are doing now is producing the best life you have ever lived?” My answer… ugh, well because I am an addict and need satisfaction immediately and more is better. Lets get more.
See the thing is the change or transition that I am feeling is one organically happening in my life by decisions I have been making everyday for over 7 months now.
The problem I am running into is that while these organic changes are happening I am trying to force more change on top of this when its unnecessary. I am already living an incredible life and it has progressed so profoundly, why would I try and do something different now as the fruits of my labor just begin to take shape.
The answer is because of fear. Fear of success, as soon as I see the fruits begin to bud I start to judge them and say. “Oh no, that fruit will be no good, it isn’t enough to sustain me or it wont be ripe in time. I better leave the field I have been tending and start planting seeds somewhere else just in case.” I am insane.
When after months of planting seeds in a field, tending, watering, loving and nurturing the growth of these seeds, they finally start to show, I get scared they aren’t enough. That I am not enough. That the work I put isn’t good enough, so I go chasing another field of dreams.
Well, not this time damn it. This time I will stay with my yield, I will tend to the seeds I have planted as they begin to bud and give them every ounce of me. I will give them the love and dedication I showed them when I first started, because they still need it even more so now that they are above ground.
“Don’t run from the harvest when it starts to produce for fear it won’t be enough. Have faith that the seeds you planted and the work you did will produce all you ever needed and more. ”
“Don’t allow the fear of Change to make you run in a different direction. Let’s stay the course. For the first time in my life, I am going to stay the course and see what comes of my farming.”
OK Bye.
Seeking Purpose Today 
I often notice that when I get in one of those moods I am valuing breadth of experience over depth of experience. I want to do all the things all at once because learning new things is fun and exciting! But when you spread yourself too thin, you don’t really get to learn anything. It’s just dabbling. And in a way, it’s procrastinating the thing you should be doing, the thing you are afraid to succeed at. You can’t become great at something when your attention and energy is spread out in dozens of projects. Which is why I’m still working on my second novel after five years 😂
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Hahaha yes agreed that is what I am realizing.
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The exploratory phase can be necessary, though, so don’t get too down on yourself for it. All the things you’ve been doing and trying can help you narrow down what you’re really passionate about. I took a break from my book and focussed on short stories. I didn’t make any progress on my books and I didn’t submit my stories anywhere.
BUT.
I learned a hell of a lot about writing. Now I need to refocus what I’ve learned and apply it to my passion project.
So, you aren’t behind. You’re still on track.
And I’m still reading your blog at least once a week, lol. So don’t you dare quit on me!
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It’s funny I am spending all day everyday takingbit other writers about their writing you would think I would be happy that I’m learning haha it’s the video editing that was bothering me but that’s because I didn’t know how to do it. I know how a little bit more today than I did yesterday. Progress
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It depends on which part you’re really passionate about. Talking to other writers is great, but if what you really want to be doing is your own writing, it will feel like you’re missing out. Sometimes you need to take a break from things to realize that you miss it, though!
Stuff like video editing would bog me down too. All the technical aspects of getting your work out in the world can be huge stumbling blocks. I try not to think about it too much. I’ll burn those bridges when I get there. Now, it’s time to write 😂
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Haha I am discovering that I love connecting with others as much if not more than writing. It’s all I think about.
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See! That’s awesome. Keep exploring. Don’t feel like you have to choose a specific path right away. Maybe you’ll become the go-to indie author reviewer!
I met a lady on IG that wants to connect with you after watching our interview, btw. How should she contact you?
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Have her email me at Whitesidepublishing@gmail.com
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