I met Matt Poole via Twitter and since that time he has been nothing but helpful and a delight, being of service where ever possible. His faith and his journey is a strong testament to the power of the Human Spirit. Thank you for sharing this writing with me and those that read this Blog, Matt, I am glad to know you.
On 03-29-2019 I woke up from a dream at around 3:40am. I was dreaming about two characters in a book I am writing whose names are Micah (an angel) and Roman (a detective). Micah and Roman were engaged in a conversation about the trials or test that we go through in life. Roman, currently frustrated (understatement of the century) with some previous events had begun questioning Micah as to why God put him, or others for that matter, through trials. Micah then attempted to explain to Roman that not every trial we go through is due to God’s influence ( free will, of course, being a large part of that), and that most of the time the “test” or “trial” is self-initiated. It is only there because we allow it to exist. We allow there to be a choice for temptation to take us over, by exercising our free will (God granted) to choose. This concept Micah was speaking of comes from 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
After typing a bit of dialogue, I loaded into a truck with my brother and father for a three day trip out to Mason Texas where we planned on staying in a cabin on 700 acres of granite topped landscape in search of topaz, and Indian relics. The views were beyond amazing. We arrived early and after being greeted with a warm welcome, headed on to our cabin 2 ½ miles from the roadway. Upon arrival, we were anxious to start searching for treasures and started wildly unpacking to begin our journey. It was then my brother directed my attention to a cabinet that held jars of various pickled delights, showing me that they were available for purchase. It was also then that I directed his attention to the 18 decanters of Wild Turkey for sale just above said jars. We began inspecting them to find that they indeed contained delicious Kentucky bourbon and yes, most of them were sealed, though my inspection was contained to the limits of my nose.
My last drink of alcohol was 02-05-2018, and Wild Turkey 101 was my poison. “What a slap in the face!” I told my brother, and then immediately felt sorrowful for having even thought about it as a temptation. Yes, God may have put me there at that time, having earlier written about that concept, with that temptation, but it wasn’t God making it a temptation, it was me. God was there to give me the strength I needed when I was feeling weak to dispel the temptation I had created in my mind.
I know there are things that are out of our control, occurrences that come upon us because of the actions of others. But if we are honest, I believe we can surely observe that many of obstacles that we face are only made obstacles by our reaction to them. When we are strong in ourselves, then we are weak because we rely on ourselves to be sufficient enough to deal with the temptations of this world. But, when we are strong in Christ, temptation becomes an afterthought.
God bless, stay safe.
-Matt Poole
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Great piece. I’ve got 214 sober days (I have an app that counts for me, haha) under my belt, and the mind still plays its tricks. I think sometimes what we experience is the memory of what would have been a temptation, if that makes sense. Sometimes I realize that a moment has triggered that feeling–a sunny deck that begs for a glass of wine, a hockey game that seems to call for overpriced beer–but it isn’t real temptation. It’s a ghost of the feelings I used to have.
When I recognize that feeling for what it is, all I can do is shake my head at all the lost opportunities to really experience those moments (not to mention all the money, literally pissed away). But I’m glad they still occur, so I can be present and grateful without becoming complacent in my sobriety.
Thanks for sharing!
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Congratulations on your clean time I have an app to Haha I love it. I had the same feeling driving by the gas station in would stop at everyday for cheap beer and the guttural pull to go in was still there. The good news is that I felt sick to .y stomach at the though of a drink.
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Me too. The smell is repulsive now. I can’t imagine wanting to drink again. Those apps are the best. Mine tells me how much money I’ve saved, too, and it hurts to think about, haha
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Oh goodness, I couldn’t imagine having an app tell me how much I’ve saved ( wasted before). That would drive me insane. You are right SC when speaking of a memory of the temptation. Thank you for sharing, God bless.
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