Welcome back, I say to myself. You all have been here as I have been in a form of spiritual and experiential hiatus. It went great, thanks for asking.
Now to the business of this writing.
You may have noticed something in the past few weeks. This sense of dread, of confusion, of FEAR. If you are anything like me, that is to say, a living breathing human being than you have in some form or fashion experienced this Holiday dread.
First, let’s identify what it is:
What this Chaos is, encompasses quite a bit and if we are being honest with ourselves it becomes obvious.
- The closing out of an entire decade- That’s right a whole decade of time has passed since last we thought, “I can’t believe we are in the 20-teens.” This was a huge part of my formative years.
It saw the birth of two of my children, two marriages and two divorces. Two businesses open and close, unceremoniously I might add. It saw me fall into the depths of Alcoholism, Depression, Suicidal thoughts, Hopeless, Jobless, and Meaningless nothingness. To come out the other side, Sober for over a year, full of Love, Purpose, Hope, and accomplishments I never knew myself capable of. 3 books, one Amazon bestseller, a YouTube show with hundreds of hours of content. Paying Stand-up Comedy gigs, paying theatre gigs, Improv comedy acting, voice acting, and most importantly A life full of all the most wonderful riches and beauty I could ever imagine.
So, that’s a lot to digest. A lot to say goodbye to. Although I logically know it’s not going anywhere other than where it already is, the past, it is still a lot to process. It is the processing of all this decade that is causing a lot of the chaos in my own personal psyche but also the psyche of the world.
We can know with all of our knowing power that this is true, that the decade of all this life is coming to an end. We can know that it is not really anything, at least physically. Energetically the end of a decade is always a big jump. Decades have been how we define our culture, the 80’s where all the best music came from. The 90’s where all the dirty music came from and the 2000’s where the music died. I joke but I also want to illustrate my point there is a lot here. How is your Decade going to be defined?
Which brings me to number 2.
What are you Scrambling to Amend from a decade of living?
This may not seem like an issue to you, however, take a second and really be honest. It is one thing to go into a new year and say, ” I want to be a better person this year than I was the last. I will forgive myself for last year, but this year must be different.”
How many times have we gone back on that resolution, to be the person we really want to be? How many times have we justified the continued descent into being the antithesis of who we would like to be? If we are being honest, it is a lot and because it is a lot it becomes a terrifying pill to swallow. Will we ever be the person we want to be or will this decade be like the last? The fear is right there staring us in the face, and it must be dealt with. It will show up in all the forms. In how we treat others, especially our family the ones that mirror and magnify all the scary things about ourselves right back at us. Can we treat them with Love? Can we be who we want to be even though all the people around us are making it very difficult to love them?
I hope to never bring up a problem without having an idea of a solution. So, here is the Answer.
Of course, we can. Yes, we can. Yes, we will.
Just kidding you’re screwed.
No. Wait. That was a joke. You aren’t screwed in fact you’re the opposite you are hammered. Is that the opposite? NO, NO…
The opposite of screwed is untethered.
Here is what we do. We grieve. We say goodbye. We let go of all of it, we acknowledge all of it the good and the bad the ugly and the beautiful. Then we ask for the willingness to let go of it all.
Here is how that looks. I look back and see places in my last 10 years where I was anything but the loving, kind, gracious, forgiving, person I wanted to be. So, I acknowledge those times and do this:
I become loving, kind, gracious, and forgiving to myself. There is a saying I have heard my entire life, my mom loves to say it. ” On a plane when it’s going down, you have to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help anyone else.”
I find the principal there, of taking care of first things first. I must first be loving Here before I can be loving There. I must first forgive myself before I can forgive others. I have to let go of the fear of who I am, to allow others to be who they are.
The grieving process is never easy. It takes some serious guts to face reality just as it is and own up to all of it. But, I can guarantee that the personal freedom and peace that comes from owning your past and making peace with it and continuing to do so day after day is the way to an unlimited life in this next decade.
For all those out there feeling the whirlwind of chaos that emanates from the holiday season of being around family and crazy expectations of money spent and gifts bought. Of sitting in traffic and being mad at yourself for giving that old lady the finger. It all boils down to who you are, by truly seeing who you have been so that you can be exactly that which you would like to be.
Remember we are two parts. One part Human, one part Being. Start being the Human you would like to be and forgive yourself when you act like the human you are. We can allow ourselves to be the greatest gift to life or we can continue to Crucify our humanity because we can’t except our own Divinity.
Go forth and be free you beautiful people. Remember, its all good.