Here I go… It’s one of those. The question is, If I truly believe and have faith in God then what’s taking so long. How have I not already been out living and loving and sharing joy and love with everyone I meet? I see it all the time and from me the majority of the time. Saying, “I have faith that God can work for me in my life, that everything will be ok no matter what. ”
Yet, still I flounder in fear, in joylessness, in terrified expression that I’m doing it wrong that no one cares or hell that I don’t really care. How silly of me. How hypocritical of me. Where is my real faith? In the comfort of my bed? Where is my real faith, in the comfort and security of a pointless job? Where is my real faith in the face of so many screaming at me, saying “we just want to be loved and happy” and for me to say behind these people’s backs you monsters, your anger and vitriol is pathetic, love one another you idiots.” Yet, I don’t share my love, my joy, my heart.
What am I waiting for? At what point will I say ok, enough is enough. Stop fighting hurt anger with hurt anger and bring something different. Bring love and joy, laughter and inspiration. If not now when, as if I have all the time in the world to share my gifts. When do I stop shrinking for fear of being seen?
I tell you the fear with which I have lived all my life is but a torch in the darkness saying, “this way.” It lends me passion to speak and clarity of mind to bring laughter. I can’t sit back anymore and simply talk about faith I have to move by faith.
If I truly believe, I mean really believe not just say that I believe that God is good and will take care of me, what is my fear but doubt. The time has come for those called to speak up not in anger or opposition of life but in favor and love for life.
For life was given to me freely, grace and mercy doled out in heaping quantities. All that is asked that I have faith and love those in my charge, those brothers and sister not of my nuclear family but those all around me. As If love was a finite resource that I must reserve for only one or two. It’s time to break free from the thought prison of this society and love with a full open heart. Bring to all people and all situations those gifts of life I would like made manifest in the world.
If not now, when? If not me, who? Let’s see some real faith. Not paint by numbers faith or faith on a stick. Faith with legs and arms. Faith with a heart mouth and mind. Faith with eyes filled with love and light. Faith pushed out to all the world, because death no longer holds me and insecurities no longer give me concern. I am a flower, a fig tree, a serpent and an eagle. I am the light and the darkness of the world. I am truly made whole by the oneness of God in heaven.
To pray and believe with out action is death a million times.