I don’t know what to do sometimes or how to help. I feel worthless by how incapable I am of saving another from their own personal damnation.
I get terrified that my inadequacy with words or money or resources is in effect killing people.
If only I had more money, I could feed these people.
If only I had a more room I could house these people.
If only I had a better solution I could save these people.
It breaks my heart that I am incapable of swooping down and saving the world from the terrors presented by life. It tears me up now as I am in the midst of trying to be of service to people but feeling that I am falling way short…
I don’t know how to save the world.
I want to save the world…
But, I don’t know how…
I only know how to save myself. It feels cheap at times like this to say I only know how to save myself.
I feel like it is not enough; let me save others too God.
Don’t they deserve to live as much as me?
Of course they do, but it’s not my job to live for them. Ugh.
I have no ability to keep another person from a drink or drug in the same way I can control the weather. It is merely out of my control, and that sucks.
But it is what it is… I could fight that idea and try and control the weather or try and knock the bottle from another man’s hand, but ultimately these two things will do what they please and of their own accord.
My life is my own, and I like that, so I have to give up trying to make someone else’s life mine. It’s not, it is theirs and come hell or high water they are the only ones capable of living it.
As much as it hurts me to see others hurt themselves, I have no ability to stop them. I only hope they know they are loved and that it can get better.
It did for me.
I also know that what I went through was necessary for my growth and maybe the pain that they are experiencing is essential for them to grow.
I pray it doesn’t kill them first.