In darkness, we cherish the moments that are filled with light. We see the savagery of the world we live in and turn away from it, a hopeful denial of lost truth.
A truth that we knew had been lost long ago, yet we still hold onto the hope of paradise. We needlessly suffer in search of the paradise brought to reality through the attainment of pleasure.
And still, we bleed. A lost soldier wandering in the wilderness, begging every passerby for salvation. Dirt and dust-covered, outlining the ocean of sadness poured out from the very things that were designed to perceive the light.
It is not our inability to see the light, or even choose the light. It is our inability to deal with the darkness, to peer into the black abyss and understand it.
I have sought, purpose, truth, meaning, love, joy, and happiness, for my entire life it would seem and amazingly I end up back in the darkness, in suffering.
So, I have to ask, “Why Suffering? Why do I always come back to suffering, when all I want is joy?”
It may seem backward to some and obvious to others but, the reality is, in chasing pleasure and all that I want to fulfill me I am actually blinded by the light. The fact is we live in a time with so much abundance and choice that we are stuffing our selves with satisfaction and pleasure to death.
When the light of the world kills those that were once nourished so easily by it, darkness will fall on the land and a new peace will reign.
There is a reason Depression, Anxiety, Addiction, Suicide are at all-time highs. We have everything and anything we could ever desire and consume it to the fullest limit of our capabilities. The sad truth is that even when we have had our fill, something inside us says’s ” What else? I need more.” And when we know there is nothing left to give the insatiable desire we succumb to the apathy of hopelessness and feeling lost.
Seeking Pleasure is Killing Us!
When we seek the light, we find it easily, at first. Why because our Universe is full of light. It is an abundant, plentiful garden easily replenished and we need only ask for that which we require and our cups will overflow. But, over time the amount of light and choice, the amount of abundance can overwhelm when not balanced properly. So, we no longer are in search of light, but a brighter light or a different color light, something other than the light we so easily perceive.
Unfortunately, we no longer have the capacity to see the truth, our eyes have become blinded to the light around us and so we fall into the darkness while staring at the light. I liken it to snow blindness, all though our eyes are open and we are taking in what is around us we are so overwhelmed by the brightness of life we can no longer differentiate up from down, good from bad.
Our only salvation is to seek the darkness.
This I know can sound a bit blasphemous, but hear me out. The incredible abundance and resources that surround us, to bring us joy, are the exact reasons why we are all so fucking depressed. We no longer, perceive the true beauty of the light, because there is no real darkness in our lives for which to judge. And Depression is a recalibrating of our souls. Pulling us, begging us to come to our senses. Depression is calling to us to look at the suffering in my own life. Look at the darkness in my Depression. It’s screaming with a ragged voice, “Look at me. Deal with me, Goddammit. You are going to die if you don’t.”
But we don’t, we are too terrified of the dark, to lost in the light that we can not bring ourselves to see the truth anymore, and because of that, we want off this ride.
Think of it like this. For hundreds of years, human’s used the night sky to navigate from one place to another. Of course, we all know that the North Star was a point of reference for many successful voyages. Think if these explorers used a different star every single night. Would they have ever gotten anywhere? Would they have likely killed themselves by walking in circles? It was an acknowledgment of the brightness of the North Star against a backdrop of a million points of light. But it takes a person willing to focus not on the light but the Darkness that will see the trueness of light in their own life.
For me this has become a call to life, a screaming in the darkness, the lives being lost because of the blinding light. It is a call to focus on the things I would gladly suffer for. I am called to suffer in this life no matter what, and the incredible thing is, I am drawn to pleasure so simply and easily, the greater my suffering the easier it is to see the light in my life. The greater the light the harder it is to appreciate the light.
If I seek suffering, joy is sure to follow. Avoiding suffering only brings more suffering.
Choose suffering and be reborn into the trueness of the light that radiates all around you.