Matthew Poole joins the Blog again with another thoughtful piece.
His Book “Salt and Light: Being the Hands and Feet of Christ” is available this Septemeber.
I love sharing how others found freedom, redemption, and a new life. No matter how we come to it. If you would like to share your story as Matthew has done here, please feel free to contact me.
Why are we here? Why are you here? Yes, you, the one reading this. I would imaging you are here because you are seeking purpose today. Well I am here today to tell you “you have purpose”. You have purpose today, and every day you live after that on into eternity. No matter the ups or downs, faults and failures, there is One whose purpose it is to seek you every day. “The Mighty One, God, the Lord”, the One “who speaks and summons the earth from the rising of the sun to where it sets” (Psalm 50:1) wants a relationship with you. He doesn’t need it, it is of no benefit to Him, but all the same…He wants it. And, He wants it so bad that because of our continued faults, our daily failures, He made us a WAY. He opened a path for all of us who don’t WANT a relationship but NEED one.
No matter how impossible we think it is or how “far gone” we believe ourselves to be, remember that the path He made for the, the Way, Jesus said “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”(Matt 19:26) Even the very physical road we walk down toward the grace of God reminds us that it is possible with Him, that His grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9).
It took me a long time to surrender and allow that grace to be a part of my life, but after doing so, I finally sat down and wrote out how I felt. It was the first time I put to paper (or out in the open for that matter) the feelings that had kept me hostage for years, and I wrote the following in 2018:
So afraid to give it up, nearly scared myself to death
Holding on to pain, I found a sleep that had no rest
I made punishment my home, as though there was no mercy seat
I saw the wreck that was my life, four fingers neat left incomplete
But I kept holding on the flame, not understanding why it burned
Kept drinking down all my faults, never knowing if I’d learn
Like a lemming on the edge, of the fall that waits its turn
Just waiting on surrender, I thought I would never earn
Prepared to help the unfit, yet I felt unfit to live
Chasing bottles down with shame, ‘til I had nothing left to give
Wasted all these years not knowing, life was just a breath
I had one foot in the grave, living a lie that led to death.
Said my will be done, and counted on myself to save
Thinking I was free by choice, not seeing it made me a slave
Leaning on my thoughts, that never truly made much sense
Threw your word out of my hands, left my whole world up to chance
I second-guessed my worth, as though all sin was mine to bear
Treated myself as a curse, I thought it was only fair
Drowning me in guilt, I only had myself to blame
Asking for a change, you brought hope out of the pain
Holding on to grief, as if I was grief itself
Suffocated my reflection, only reaching out for help
But you broke through all my suffering, to show me there was light
And paid the way to grace, taught me I was worth the fight
I have since then written a book that went into details about my troubles, pains, faults, failures, and the grace that God gives not only me, but all of you.
Feeling somewhat down yesterday, I began thinking back on the life I had lived, things I had done, and the feelings that still creep back into my life as of this day, but putting pen to paper once again, I found myself writing of the darkness within me, and in the end, the grace God gives that is miraculous, unmerited, and indeed, sufficient-
The darkness doth remain, burned by pittance as fuel to flame
My life, albeit no allegory, no outward sign of shame
But on the inside, the darkness hides a lurid wraith the same
Just as the eyes forget not the path, so the feet recall the stumble
The trips and falls, the childish crawls
The grave grasps and foolish tumbles
All the shame and sin proclaimed, a sin all men proclaim
Of ignorance, lies, and alibies
And the darkness doth remain
This burning grief a funeral pyre, for the shell that remains, so long that it last
But my soul resurrected, my spirit sustained
Grace hath blot out my past.- Matthew Poole