The past month has been a very odd place for me. I have been happier than I can ever imagine while being in a depressed state. This might not make sense to you I know it didn’t make any sense to me when it was happening.
However, I have come to realize a lot in this time of low Depressed feeling. I am not the man I used to be. I didn’t run from the low searching for another high. I accepted it as it was and allowed it to wash over me and as I did I fell into a sense of peace.
I have also done a lot of digging and searching through my own morals, values, and goals. In this, I have discovered something I was terrified of my whole life. I found a place inside of me that was devoid of fear and anger. I found the place that did not envy or want, there was no sense of greed or idea of lack.
This was a place I was afraid of because I knew it was available all along but if I ever found it what would my role on earth be anymore. If I no longer strived for anything, if I no longer craved to attain anything, what was I supposed to do? Well, I realized the answer to the question in this place as well.
It’s simple really, I do whatever is in front of me. The blessing is that I no longer have such a preconceived notion to what is coming next as if I were a fortune teller. I simply do the thing. The worry, anxiety, and fear gone.
It’s amazing to feel so focused, content and with a sense of breathing out. A deep rest all the time.
I will continue to do what I have been doing because it has brought me here and its a great place to be. I have no idea where this is going to move me to in the future, but I am not holding on to what happened in my past as a guiding force for my future.
Whatever will be, will be. And that’s ok with me. Because everything is ok with me right now at this moment.