Seeking Purpose

The past month has been a very odd place for me.  I have been happier than I can ever imagine while being in a depressed state.  This might not make sense to you I know it didn’t make any sense to me when it was happening.

However, I have come to realize a lot in this time of low Depressed feeling.  I am not the man I used to be.  I didn’t run from the low searching for another high.  I accepted it as it was and allowed it to wash over me and as I did I fell into a sense of peace.

I have also done a lot of digging and searching through my own morals, values, and goals.  In this, I have discovered something I was terrified of my whole life.  I found a place inside of me that was devoid of fear and anger.  I found the place that did not envy or want, there was no sense of greed or idea of lack.

This was a place I was afraid of because I knew it was available all along but if I ever found it what would my role on earth be anymore.  If I no longer strived for anything, if I no longer craved to attain anything, what was I supposed to do?  Well, I realized the answer to the question in this place as well.

It’s simple really, I do whatever is in front of me.  The blessing is that I no longer have such a preconceived notion to what is coming next as if I were a fortune teller.  I simply do the thing.  The worry, anxiety, and fear gone.

It’s amazing to feel so focused, content and with a sense of breathing out.  A deep rest all the time.

I will continue to do what I have been doing because it has brought me here and its a great place to be.  I have no idea where this is going to move me to in the future, but I am not holding on to what happened in my past as a guiding force for my future.

Whatever will be, will be.  And that’s ok with me.  Because everything is ok with me right now at this moment.