When Did I Become Such A Victim?

man standing on brown rock cliff in front of waterfalls photography
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This may not be popular or whatever, but it is what I understand for my life, so here it goes.

I spent a long time, for me at least, pointing my finger at other people.

It was my dad’s fault I was an alcoholic because he left when I was young and he, himself was an alcoholic.

It was the mean kids at school fault that I was depressed and sad.

It was the TV and Bags of chips fault I was fat.

It was where I was born and who I was born to’s fault I wasn’t successful or happy or rich or whatever.

You get the idea.

When did I become such a victim?  My God, what a miserable way to live.  Everyone was at fault for my life but me.

And to think, my life was spinning out of control.  Well no wonder, I believed my crappy life was a result of what everyone else was doing to me.

Its a load of Bull Crap!

Here is the reality, every single thing in my life that I find unacceptable has nothing to do with anyone but me.

The lack of happiness.

The lack of Money.

The lack of Love.

The lack of Success.

The lack of physical fitness.

It is all my own doing, no one else.  And you may say, “well duh Matt, that is obvious.”  But is it.  If it were so obvious why did I stay stuck for so long?

Answer, I was scared.  As soon as I looked at myself, took responsibility for myself I would have to make a decision.

Either grow from what has happened in my life or continue to be a victim of it.

My belief that the fear of taking responsibility stems from a fear of being imperfect.

As soon as I say it is all my making, I am admitting that from here on out if my life sucks then it is my fault.  Who the hell wants that kind of responsibility?  I didn’t for sure.

I do now though, because it is the only way out.  I am not a Victim, although events out of my control have happened in my life I am not a victim of those circumstances unless I choose to be.

I can not allow myself to say that because my wife cheated on me I can give up my life and drink myself to death because I am mad at her.  Which I tried.

I can not fall down a hole of despair and a victim mentality because someone or something acted in a way in my life that seemed unfair.

Grow up Matt, Stop being limited by other people or events actions.  Be unlimited by your own beliefs.

My belief is that nothing happens in this world  that we can not over come, as long as we are still breathing.

When I allow an event or person to limit my reality by saying “I can only be this way now or labeling myself as something, because of what someone else has done to me”  Then I am dying the same death a thousand times.

If something bad happens to me, I have to get the hell over it and keep going.  Why would I let an event I deemed as bad change me for the worse.  Am I really that weak and small?

No, but it is true I believed myself to be.  I no longer believe I am a victim of anything.  I know things are going to happen in my life that I hate and don’t fully understand.  But, It is my responsibility to live a good life regardless of outside events.

It is up to me to stop this insanity of Victim hood that is running unchecked in society.  But I can not stop it in any one but me.

So, I am responsible for no one but me.  My life is my responsibility to make it good or bad, happy or miserable.  It has not a damn thing to do with anyone else.  Can other people help, absolutely, but it is ultimately up to me.

If I am fat and out of shape which I have been so many times in my life.  Not a single other human being alive can transform my health but me.  I have to be willing to do the work.

If I am an insane alcoholic, which I have been many times in my life, it is my responsibility to put down the damn bottle and find another way to live.

If I am depressed and alone, which I have been so many times in my life, it is up to me to get the hell out of my bed and go be apart of something.  Stick my hand out and say hello to just one of the 7 billion other lonely people on this planet and make a damn friend.

If you are still reading this you may have been able to tell that I am fired up about this because it hits me right in the feels.

I spent so much of my life wasted as a victim and I didn’t have to.  I did not have to be a victim of my own life.

I mean this:  If you are unhappy start by looking at yourself.  It all starts with taking personal responsibility and once we do that, then the whole world opens up.

If you feel that I made you mad or that I caused you to get angry for my views on this all I can say is good, maybe look at yourself and ask why it makes you upset.  Why can someone else make you feel anyway?

Ask the question of yourself.



Published by Matthew Whiteside

I am a writer, a storyteller, a yarn-spinning freakazoid. My life is full of two things today, lessons and blessings. I write fiction mostly but I also love to write about my life and the things I go through on a daily basis. Writing it out inspires and motivates me and that's why I do it. Plus if it does that for me maybe it will for someone else too.

7 thoughts on “When Did I Become Such A Victim?

  1. I think as you get older, as well, things become a matter of perspective and learning to look at (even the hard ones) situations and events as lessons. Like what can this teach me? Why did that hurt so much? What can I learn from that?


  2. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts on this, Matthew – we don’t get anywhere in life if we’re determined to see ourselves as victims. Life can really only change in the way that we want it to if we’re willing to accept personal responsibility and take charge, as you so rightly point out. Wonderful post, thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m sold. Sign me up! This isn’t one of those cults that serves kool-aid, is it?

    Seriously, you keep posting about all the things I’ve been mulling over recently. Must be a symptom of choking the Booze Goblin. Preach it. For everyone person who reads this and gets pissed off about it, there will be one who sees themselves and decides to make a change. Okay, maybe not a 1:1 ratio, but even if it’s just one person, it’s worth it.

    Liked by 1 person

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