Banish Learning, no more grief.
Between Yes and No, how much difference?TTC- Chp. 20 (A&L)
The illusions of fear seem to always be present, or rather fear seems to always be presenting itself.
I have been doing a deep dive into the heart of my fear. Every time fear arises, I sit with it.
I have always had such a negative reaction to something that causes fear inside me. The other day it was the thought of doing my taxes. I was sitting at the park doing a meditation completely at peace as the sun was hitting my face. Deep in my heart I felt a knowing sense of oneness with everything. Then as the mind always seems to do it said, in the stillness, “hey we got to do our taxes, we owe a lot of money.”
Oh silly brain, ABC (always be crazy).
If I have a little knowledge Walking on the great Tao I fear only to deviate from it.
The great Tao is broad and plain But people like the side pathsTTC chp. 53 (Lin)
My thought of taxes came up because the past few weeks I have been dealing with my fear of not having enough money. It was not a bad thought per say, but it did effect me in a bad way.
Immediately I felt like the hornets nest that resides inside me got kicked and stingers came out. My immediate reaction was to run, I wanted to open my eyes and start walking again, but I didn’t I remained still. The next thought that came up was to focus back again on the peaceful stillness that I had been on only 5 seconds prior. Again, something inside me said, “No, deal with this.” So, I stood there (mentally) amongst the hornets stinging me, and overwhelming me and I breathed.
What came next was a beautiful realization. It was from the bible, someone asked Jesus about paying taxes and Jesus said, “who’s face is on your coin?” The man replied, “Ceaser’s” to which Jesus said, “Well then give Ceaser his money.” I thought, “wow, was Jesus alive during the time of Ceaser or am I miss remembering this passage from the bible?” I will never know the answer to that, but what I do know is that a peace came back to me.
I was holding on to this idea that the money I had was somehow mine. That the money had to stay with me to have money, and paying taxes would only take away that which I earned. But, that is not true. The underlying fear that exists, in the hornets nest inside me say’s, “If I pay this money, I may never get it back.”
Between good and evil, how much difference?
What others fear I must fear, how pointless.TTC – Chp. 20 (Addiss & Lombardo)
This fear is so silly and untrue, money is currency. Currency means, something that comes and goes, or passes through.
I hold on to money like a man that gets struck by lightning. I am afraid that in letting go of the lightning I will never get struck again. That is a crap metaphor, but what I am saying is that it is crazy.
I was afraid to pay money that I have now, for a future amount that I do not even know. That is the definition of a fearful delusion. So, after I looked that monster in the eyes I did what was next. I walked home and sat down and did my taxes.
Of course I owe money, which only means that I did a great job of making money this past year. To which I say great job, Matt.
It is funny that I can get caught up with having to pay a bill for service, goods, or hell even to buy food or even expand myself. Yet, I forget to be in total thankfulness that I have the money to pay it.
Haven’t we always had the money? If not would we be here? We are the existence of money, the source of it. Fear is there to show us where we block ourselves, it exists to light our way not to keep us from our higher selves. That’s why the Tao asks, “What difference between good and bad, yes and no.
The difference is what we make it. We find our selves locked in the paradox of a dualistic world. Trying to delude us from the reality that everything emanates from the same source.
You, Me, Tao. All things flow from the Tao as the rivers and streams flow from the oceans, as all things flow back to the ocean, all things flow back to Tao.
“Others have plans, I alone am wayward and stubborn,
I alone am different from others,
Like a baby in the womb.”TTC – Chp. 20 (A&L)
To be different in this way we see all our fears as gifts knowing that they are nourishment from the Tao. That we remain for ever safe in the womb. Another way this last line is translated is, “And value the nourishing mother.”