So, you’re an idiot huh? A regular foot in your mouth, can’t get out of your own way kinda dummy, meh? (Imagine a 1930s Gangster talking) yeah see?
Well, ya came to the right place kid. There’s hope for you after all. I used to be just like you stupid as the day was naked. Full of questions, full of worry and anxiety, see? I didn’t know my up from my down and my in from my out.
In fact I lived outside up in a tree for years because of this simple fact. I thought I was inside, a ground level apartment. Let me tell you, was my face red when I found out, yeah I got a terrible rash from living in a fucking tree all over my face. Meh see. (Still a Ganster)
Anyway you’re not here to listen to me cry about the Zeke virus, you wanna know how to stop being such a idiot, dumb, dumb, doodoo head.
Well here it is my list of 6 steps to Stop being a Moron
1. You’re gonna wanna get a map
2. Tell your boss you quit
3. Marry that stripper you been seeing make her an honest gal or him an honest bro
4. Put the iron back when you’re done with it you freaking slob, what are you Russian.
5. Take Russian…
6. Be smarter you idiot. Lists are for morons.
There you have it my 6 steps to Not being such a Moron.
If you were able to read any of this what with you being a moron and all, congratulations on now not being a moron.
I hope that the squirrel you were sharing nuts and tree space with takes the break up ok. I know Steve the squirrel was sad when I left but, hey, oohhh, ya gotta move on.
You got life to live, rockets to Mars to build, Cancer to cure and creating a hot pocket with 30% more cheese. Good luck with the last one they already got so much cheese in there.
Any way drop me a line when ya ain’t dumb no more we can go drink some soda pops and pick up road kill.