I said to myself, I said. “All I really want to do is become a great writer.” To which I replied. “Oh well that is easy, you want to be a writer? All you have to do is write. Everything else is optional.”
“Being a super zombie should have been the worst thing to happen to me, but now that I am dead I tell you what, I have a new lease on life. I can’t smell or taste anything which is fine by me because this new diet that I am on sucks. Now the cravings could be kept at bay as long as I eat a heavy diet of raw meats. However, the decay was something that I was struggling with. Sure I looked very sheek with my sunken in cheeks, and hollow, lifeless eyes but my flesh was always falling off. I must have gone through 10 tubes of Merlins Magic Mucking solution always reapplying more to stick my flesh back on. Last week my nipple fell off while I was laughing at a joke Sir Marson told. How embarrassing, fell right out of the bottom of my tunic. Well, some mucking solution took care of that for now. Those men may never let me live that one down.”
“Anyway, today was going to be a good day. Now I must get dressed to go get my new legs. Oooh. I am so excited. Now if you will excuse me the other guy will catch you up on everything else.” Sir Ageon looked up.
“Hey other guy, take it away. Hello! You awake?”
“Huh oh sorry, ha! Must have dozed off Sir Ageon I will take it from here.”
“Thanks, disembodied voice that follows me around and sums things up and moves my story along for me.”
“Uhh, yeah, um no problem.”
So where were we. Right. Sir Ageon had spent the last week trying to help his father understand what had happened to him.
“Hey, tell them about the dragon.”
“I thought you were getting dressed, would you let me tell them.”
“Yeah right, sorry I just didn’t want you to forget.”
“This is the only reason I exist, why would I forget.”
“Ok, ok, geez what a stick in the mud.” Sir Ageon said grumbling under his breath which I can obviously hear.
“Haha oh right you see and hear everything.”
“Can I please get on with the story now.”
“Yeah sure, be my guest I ‘ll just be over here trying to put on my knickers.”
“Great, thanks for that information.”
Anyway. Where were we? Ah yes, the Dragon.
“Tell them about how big and scary it was!”
“Oh for the love of God would you shut it! I will tell them everything.”
Ughh. So last week after Sir Ageon spent two whole nights cleaning the castle of fingernail clippings and dust and dirt, he was summoned by the King. It was unusual for the King to speak to many of his knights personally but considering the circumstances of Sir Ageon being killed and coming back as a hideously gross legless monster zombie…
“Hey, Hey, take it easy. I’m not gross.”
Like I was saying the King decided to make a special request after hearing what had happened to Sir Ageon. It was a Tuesday I believe because we were having tacos…
“Yeah tacos’ rock.”
Now every Taco Tuesday was a special night, but this taco Tuesday was different. For one Sir Ageon the only knight to survive death, kind of, was there. Second, the King and his men Sir Lancelot among the lot was there as well just returning from a horrific battle for the rights to blueprints for a new catapult design that was gonna really… Ugh hmm… catapult the Army to new heights. Now, these men knew how to celebrate a victory. Mead and wine were plentiful and flowed freely, and the women were something else as well, most of them had all their teeth and bathed that week. This was one hell of a party. It was getting late into the night, and the King had drunk a giants share of Mead as had Sir Lancelot sitting at the King’s right. King Arthur looked at Lancelot and asked him drunkenly.
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