Tao Te Ching Day 6: The Mystery (With Audio)

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“The named is the mother of myriad things. Thus, constantly without desire, one observes its essence. Constantly with desire, one observes its manifestation.”

Tao Te Ching – Chp. 1

There have been many a mystery in my life. Mystery’s such as, why is the sky blue? Why do some people grow really tall and others, not so much? And of course, why did the chicken cross the road?

To all these mystery’s the answer’s eventually came. The sky is blue because that is the only color crayon I had. Some people are really tall because they got extra long bones. And chickens cross the road because they work across the street.

But, the great mystery spoken of in the Tao, in the opening chapter is the great mystery and I believe I know why.

“The two emerge together but differ in name. The unity is said to be the mystery. Mystery of mysteries, the door to all wonders.”

Tao Te Ching – Chp. 1

It was something that came to me as I was working out one day about a year ago. I was alone in my room putting in work, when the idea of the double slit experiment popped into my brain. The thought of a wave and a particle existing simultaneously, a particle when the wave is observed a wave when it is not observed.

Then I began to think of myself alone in that room, no one there to observe me, yet I was much more particle than wave, as I knew myself to be. But for anyone that knew of me and did not know what I was doing in that moment a wave of potential existed in their own consciousness.

I could be doing anything, a limitless number of things. Yet, I wasn’t I was doing one thing, exercising. And it hit me, this is what the double slit experiment is monitoring. At any moment we are both a particle and a wave dependent completely on whose consciousness is in observance.

I know very exciting. Here is how it relates to the Tao. “Constantly without desire, one observes its essence.” To be without desire allows an infinite potential of possibilities to be true. When we do not desire we allow the Universe, the people in our lives to make real any potential It, they, so choose. We can live in a Universe of infinite potential in this way.

“Constantly with desire, one observes its manifestations.” When we want something, the thing or person or situation we want goes from being a potentiality and becomes a true reality. We observe what we want with our minds and in the realm of the quantum, the wave transforms to a particle. This is also basic law of attraction stuff here.

No desire = essence/wave/potential

Desire = manifestation/particle/fixed potential

The great Mystery then- “The unity is said to be the mystery. Mystery of mysteries, the door to all wonders.”

The great mystery is that we all have free choice, we are all in some way desiring or not desiring something about something, or someone or some situation and in so creating a mysterious world that has no right or wrong, yes or no, good or evil. Only that which we decide to make so.

We each get to decide which wave we make a particle. Do we want manifestation, or do we want essence.

When we live in the past we fix our minds on the manifestations that no longer exist yet we fix them in a way that we find either pleasing or non pleasing. This is where we find depression or purpose for our lives. How do we fix the past manifestations?

When we live in the future we do the same thing, only this time our future manifestations have a taste of the way we create our past. We are still dealing with fixed potentials, and to do so is to create a life we are used to living over and over again.

The trick here then and what I gain from this passage in the Tao is to live here in the now. Live fully with the essence of what could be, devoid of past and future manifestations to allow that which is to be made “particle” in your life the most new and exciting thing.

To do this is also part of the mystery, we would all need amnesia and no imagination to live in this way, it seems. But, can you imagine, being fully at peace and in love with all that is observed by you in every moment as if it were the first and only time you would ever see it.

That to me feels like that most beautiful way to live. To be again like a child and allow all that is to be.

I hope this was all very confusing for you. As it was about the Mystery of mystery’s and I think I knocked it out of the park.

Happy Day.

The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao.”

Tao Te Ching -Chp. 1

Speak of this to no one.

Tao Te Ching Day 5: Just Stop (With Audio)

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“Do you have the patience to wait till your mud settles and the water is clear? Can you remain unmoving till the right action arises by itself?”

Tao Te Ching – Chp. 15

I swear man I feel like a mentally challenged child reading this book. As a man that prides himself on taking action and responsibility for the well being and good works in his life, this book is ripping me to shreds.

As a child I was mentally challenged according to the public school system after some serious head injuries and family traumas left me unable to focus and lacking any real drive. I would sit and stare for hours and hours on end, and the teachers would be so fed up with my inability to pay attention they put me in a small room with the other five children they deemed as trouble makers or mentally unequipped to learn like a normal person.

After years and years and years of practicing techniques to focus and learn “like normal people,” I find myself here, at the Tao Te Ching. All the effort I went through fixing my brain to conform to this world seems to be the exact opposite of what needed doing. I feel like a head injury would really help me understand the Tao.

Can I sit long enough to let my mud settle? Do I have the patience? Well, hell no I don’t and as an average miserable American I resent that question. Patience are for doctors Mr. Tzu and mud is for pigs to play in.

I have to be doing, right? I have to fix my brokenness, right? I have to overcome my lack, poverty, and get rich, right?

How the hell do you expect me to sit quietly as the world goes on with out me? How the hell can I allow others to become great while I sit and wait for the right action to come. “There’s gold in them there mountains and I mean to find every last piece,” (The old prospector in my mind says).

“The Master doesn’t seek fulfillment. Not seeking, not expecting, He is present, and can welcome all things.”

Chp. 15

I am Matt’s brain. I am Matt’s brain, pissed off at the injustice of the world.

Ok, enough is enough. I get it. I have to unlearn the patterns of me that have gotten me to this point. I would not have been seeking this had I not needed it.

But, Jesus, the unlearning of almost a life time of how to live in this world can make anyone feel a bit mad. I am having a very difficult time letting go of the need to do what I think I need to do.

I understand that through the patience of letting the world that I built fall away from me what is meant to be here will be and what is not, won’t.

I realize that I do what I hate over and over again, and I expect to feel different about it. Like running the same experiment time and time again hoping for a different outcome and then being upset that I got the same damn outcome.

The whole point of this study is to embody something completely brand new. I know exactly what happens when Matt goes out into the world and strives to prove himself worthy of money, fame, love, and attention. Matt ends up right back where he started, angry and frustrated that there is no end to chasing those things outside of himself.

Then the question always comes, “am I not good enough as I am? Must I continue to make everyone else happy in an attempt to be happy myself?”

When is enough, enough? The Tao has been asking me.

Is it enough when you have thousands of dollars? Remember you said you would be happy then. Then you got thousands of dollars and nice things and said, “I will be happy and feel secure when I have millions of dollars.” Then you lost sight of all that you had and all that you were and the money didn’t matter anymore, because there is no amount that is enough.

There is nothing that is enough to satisfy the earthly desires.

So, I must let them go.

What if I don’t do anything, and all that I have falls away? Will I be less of a person? What if the part of me that is searching for fulfillment knows that everything must fall away and the part of me that has learned the ways of this world is screaming in protest, making the sitting still almost impossible because it wants to live too?

But what if it’s time is up and knowing it’s life is coming to an end is screaming and scratching to stay here?

I believe that is the case. I believe, the Matt that has been here on this earth doing what Matt has learned to do is going to die, and the Tao is going to come forward.

It is already happening, it is already in process. There is no chance for Matt as we once knew him to remain.

So, I would like to thank him for his service. Thank you Matt for your strength and your passion. Thank you for the time you put into making this world a comfortable, safe, secure existence for us. Thank you for giving and receiving love to the fullness of your capability. You will be missed and remembered, and the newness of what is to come will give honor to who you were by its own unfolding and life. Good bye and thank you.

“True words aren’t eloquent; eloquent words aren’t true. Wise men don’t need to prove their point; men who need to prove their point aren’t wise.”

Chp. 81

Tao Te Ching Day 4: Service (with Audio)

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"The highest goodness resembles water, Water greatly benefits myriad things without contention. It stays in places that people dislike. Therefore, it is similar to the Tao."-Tao Te Ching Ch.8

I am lost today in question of what must I do. My day is a simple one. Wake up, read the Tao Te Ching. Write about what I uncover about myself in the process, and move on.

Truly I am amazed by the lengths my mind will go to create complexities that do not exist in an effort to allow my ego to overcome. I run into this alot, no problems breed manufactured problems designed to make me think I’m getting somewhere while in fact I am right where I started.

What does this have to do with service? Well, my main objective in life is to be of service to others. To serve them as the Tao does, with equanimity, not with holding or giving with intent.

Today I took my mother’s car in to get scheduled maintenance and service. Whilst doing so, I was sitting in the service department, reading the Tao Te Ching, and thinking to myself how confused and utterly lost in what I would write about today would be. Nothing, I thought, was sticking out or coming to me.

I was wanting so badly to be of service I was missing precisely where I was being of service and the message that was right infront of me.

I am beginning to realize there is no secret hidden in the Tao Te Ching. It is as plain as what is right in front of us.

The Tao serves all things like water it does not wait to be applauded after quenching thirst. It does not show some one something that isn’t there in its reflection. It is simple and serves all the same.

When I am looking and striving so hard to be of service and I mean I’m walking down the street this morning asking, “how can I serve, how can I serve?” I am reminded of where I am already being of service in this moment.

Literally sitting in a service station getting my mom’s car serviced. It doesn’t need to be any more clear.

My only issue was in thinking I needed to search out where I could be of service as if people and things didn’t already exist around me.

The river does not climb inland to water the dessert. That which needs the water (service) finds the water.

I can live in contentment and peace as the Tao Te Ching says we can or I can chase after that which already surrounds me.

It’s when we work 3 jobs so that we may have more time to spend with out kids in the future. Because we don’t have the money to spend time with our kids now. We don’t have what we need now to be who we want to be for the people we want to be it for.

But, if we realize now and here is all we will ever have and more begets more, what will we pour more into? That which we have already or that which we don’t yet have and may never exist.

If I don’t take care of what is already mine, if I am not serving what is already here to be served, no more will be added, only subtracted.

"Dwelling at the right place Heart with great depth2 Giving with great kindness3 Words with great integrity4 Governing with great administration5 Handling with great capability6 Moving with great timing7 Because it does not contend It is therefore beyond reproach"-Tao Te Ching Ch.8

Tao Te Ching Day 3: The Way (with audio)

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The brain flips over and over trying desperately to grasp at this content that seems so opposing to it self. My mind wrestles with what I should write but my body, my heart knows already what it is saying.

This is the beautiful mystery of the teaching of the Tao, which literally translates to the Way.

The Tao Te Ching, speaks to the the Tao being the source of all, and in everything . It is the creative light in everything and it creates everything.

I have been struggling the past few days personally. I made a decision to leave my day job and do this instead. Now the process of doing this is wonderful and I love it, however I do feel terrified on a regular basis by the choice I made.

It is funny that I chose to spend every day for a year reading the Tao Te Ching and on the third day of this practice after feeling very distraught and unhinged a bit I have been given the secret sauce of creation.

The Tao speaks of doing less and less until eventually nothing is done and nothing is undone. It says, “Do you have it in you to allow your dust to settle and let action arise naturally?”

It speaks of a person always in action doing and striving and never reaching, always on the hunt and never fulfilled.

And it clicks. The Way.

The Tao is the source of everything it is in Christian literature, the word, “In the beginning was the word and the word was with God and the Word was God.”

The Tao is everything, all paths, all Way’s, The Way. The Tao Te Ching says, “Easy is the path, but people get distracted by the side paths.”

Here is what I am trying to say. No matter where we are in life we are still on the path, the path is impossible to not be on, there is nothing that exists that is not The Way.

The only reason any of us feel as if we are going in the wrong direction is because we think ourselves separate from the Tao. But, that is not possible, the only thing that we can do is be in resistance to the Tao, that resistance is resistance of ourselves and yet is still exactly who we are.

To receive ourselves graciously and with love that welcomes in the resistance, includes the defiant part of us is to include more of the Tao.

It would be like a drop of rain landing in a river and when the drop lands it finds it self in misery wanting to be rain again, because as rain it found its first identity as water. Now in the river it holds onto the identity of rain that made it feel like water for the first time. Not fully aware of the incredible water it has become, apart of something even more grand, the river.

We are thus the rain drop, landing in a river and our only problem is that we want to be a rain drop again.

Being one with ourselves, the The Tao Te Ching says, “when in meditation go into your heart.” Our heart knows what we are and who we are.

We choose our value on a moment to moment basis, we can identify with the rain drop, or the river but either Way, we are still water. We are all the Tao, we are all The Way. There is no way to deviat from the path, because we, you, I am the path.

Stop me if you heard this before, “I am the way, the truth and the life, no one comes to the father accept through me.” This is a quote from Jesus, and what I believe he meant was if you want to know who you are look at what you are. You are creation, you are the Tao, and you can not know the Tao unless you know yourself.

“A person that knows other people is full of knowledge, a person that knows them selves is full of wisdom” The Tao Te Ching.

We can call ourselves rain drops, or rivers all day long but we are water, we are essence. Knowing this is what the Tao Te Ching, is teaching.

All it means for any of us is that we do not have to fight anymore, we don’t have to be at war with ourselves over who we want to be, who we were. Because of who we are. We are Source. Let that sink in.

If you knew that you could not fail, what would you do? This question embodies the Tao, because the truth is, you can not fail. The Tao gives life to all things, and all outcomes. We are expressing the Tao.

Wow, is anyone else feeling this brain blast. I feel like my lid has been blown off. Reading the Tao Te Ching has definitely been enlightening but, writing about it has shifted me completely.

I hope that you all are getting as much from this as I am.

Happy Day.

Tao Te Ching Day 2: The Master (with audio link)

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Day two and my mind is bent to hell. I think it has arthritis. It feels brittle and disorganized, I feel like understanding this text is realigning my DNA, and maybe it is. Maybe, I will be a different person than when I started, transformed by simple Universal Truths. I would love for that to be the case, and of course my desire for that to happen will be the only thing keeping it from happening.

Day two of my study of the Tao Te Ching, brought up Master’s, The Master, a Master. I don’t know exactly, but the text speaks very highly of the old teachers and those that have mastered, living one with the Tao.

The text says things like, “The master does nothing, and leaves nothing undone.”

“The master teaches, without speaking, accomplishes without action.”

Personally I love the part about doing nothing and nothing being left undone. I imagine my apartment spotless, as I sit there and read. The dishes do them selves, the laundry folds itself, and the bills pay them self. (Some times that does happen as I have an incredible girlfriend that does do a lot of those things, a lot of the time. But, I am not her master and I don’t believe that is what the text was referring.)

I do not believe the text was speaking of someone that had servants to do all the things they didn’t want to do.

I do not believe the text was referring to a teacher that manipulated their pupils into doing the work for them.

What I believe is being said is that mastering the Tao, is to master one self. To be completely at peace with the flow of the Tao means that we stop doing anything and we simply are.

Like, the moments when we drive from one place to another and completely lose track of time. We stopped doing the act of driving and simply drove. We were more “Being” in the moment than coming from the past into each moment.

A master, as is described in the Tao Te Ching, is not someone that practices the Tao, as practicing the Tao is also said to not be possible in the, Tao Te Ching. It is explained in a more binary way. You are either one with the Tao, or you are not.

The master therefore has found a way to be completely with the Tao, and in the Tao all the time.

This reminds me of Ram Dass, “Be Here Now.” If we can not practice being in the moment or the Tao, we must allow ourselves to slip into the Tao, almost by accident. The Zen philosophy of the only way to hit the target is by not trying to hit the target.

The more I try and hold on to the concept the more it feels as though its slipping away, like a dream after waking it just flows out of existence yet we know it is always there just out of reach and will come back at the least likely moment.

Becoming a master of the Tao is this such thing. It means for all of us to stop trying so damn hard all the time.

We are perpetually attacking life from the past never quite catching up because the target is perpetually where we aren’t.

It means to me that life is really only as difficult as we make it out to be. Sure, crazy things happen, cars break down, people lose job’s, loved ones, life savings. But, even in all of that we only lose ourselves because we had our eye on some illusory target. A target we created and never truly existed.

The “Tao Te Ching,” says that, “the Tao welcomes all things, and gives life to all thing, in this all things honor the Tao.” Then later on it says, you cannot offend the Tao or honor the Tao, and that you can’t practice the Tao. I am paraphrasing a bit on the last one, but the point is, the Tao can be confusing if we are looking for an answer.

The master, is not in search of any answer or out come, therefore every answer and every outcome is welcome.

When we become like the master we strip away all of our past stories and our future desires and see all of life in this one perpetual infinite moment. The infinite moment that is full of every potential imaginable x 2 infinity, that is a freaking lot.

The master does not concern them selves with the worrying of the future because they know that every end is a new beginning, and in each new moment is a limitless possibility for the full array of creation.

I won’t sugar coat this for you, these masters seem to only exist in the text of books. They didn’t have traffic back then, I suppose.

Yesterday, I got up from meditation and felt like I had, spent an hour with God in an Infinite realm of light. Twenty minutes later I was at a stop light and someone came up behind me and squeezed by to go right at the red light. My mind was so offended, that they possibly could have honked at me, which they didn’t, and that I am a good person just trying to go make a living, why are people in such a hurry? That’s right, I was in an argument about absolutely nothing, with no one after feeling enlightened for an hour.

Maybe not everyone has these incidents, but I know that I do on a daily basis. Which is when the “Tao Te Ching” say’s, “the Tao, forgives all” I feel thankful. I am also reminded that it parallels what Jesus said in the Bible. That any person that has impure thoughts has sinned in the eyes of God, but that we are to forgive one another as we are all sinners. I don’t believe he just meant all those people besides himself, I believe he was including himself, and I include him as a master.

Jesus was saying, look, it is impossible not to have these thoughts, because these thoughts are a part of all of creation. You are not broken for having them. You are simply the creation and the creator, you are one with all of it. So, let’s forgive ourselves these things and love one another as we are all the same thing.

This is what the master knows we are all the evil and the good, the light and the dark. We are every ounce of every negative and positive in the entire universe. To get hung up on either is to lose sight of the Tao. Which is to say, to no longer be one with it.

The “Tao Te Ching” says that one can not practice the Tao and that the concepts taught by Lao Tzu are simple and easy to understand, that a superior person that hears these teachings lives them after hearing them, and not superior person tries to practice the teachings, and that a idiot laughs at the teachings.

So here is what I want every one to do. Try all three, see which one feels the most like you and then forget you ever read this and instead sit quietly with yourself and listen to your heart the true master of you.

I know this was a long one thanks for sticking it out with me. I swear the more I read this book the more the words pour out of me, the connections seem to be coming more and more.

If anyone has any question’s related to the Tao, feel free to leave a comment and I will be sure to answer you in the most confusing way possible, as is customary with the Tao.

Happy Day.

Tao Te Ching Day 1: Infinite Imagination (with audio)

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A person sits quietly in meditation. The unmoving, unchanging expression on their face, disguises the universe being created inside of them.

A world of chaos, and beauty stirs around them, as they sit and breathe in the invisible life force.

I have spent a fair amount of time reading and working to understand the Tao Te Ching, and in that time I have realized that my understanding does not result from me thinking more diligently about the text. Instead, it is a practice of feeling the text with out sense’s.

Today, on the day of my birth, I am embarking on a 365 day journey into the Tao.

Each day I will read the book, and then do my best to interpret my understanding of the book. I do not propose to be an expert of any sort and my only hope is to deepen my own understanding of the source of creation.

I hope you find what you are looking for here, and I hope that we all let go of what we desire a little more each day.

Day 1

I am spoken to in side of an empty room. I am not even present in this room, yet the room is created for me.

Day one of reading the Tao, brought up a simple thought, IMAGINATION. The Tao Te Ching says, “the Tao that can be named is not the true Tao.”

I will be honest a lot of the book is confusing as hell, but I believe that is the point. To break our minds of its old pattern recognition and see the true pattern in the Universe.

The Tao I believe is speaking to the formless, form of imagination. When reading the book, I had the distinct vision of the big bang as the universe began. However, this vision was different, it wasn’t simply matter exploding from nothing, it was a person sitting down to meditate. In the darkness of my mind, I saw into the darkness of their mind and from that nothingness, from the stillness of a moment of meditation sprang forth all of creation.

If anyone has ever meditated, they can speak to this sense of thoughts exploding to life almost at an unfathomable rate. Most people do not make it past the first explosion before standing and getting on with their day, and rightfully so.

The big bang that appears in our mind during a moment of meditation is seismic and can in many cases shake the foundation of our personal Universes as we are shown all the terrible, horrible, nasty things that transpire in the past, and future.

The beauty of the vision I had was that, the bang of creation, or imagination does not stop once we arise from meditation. On the contrary, the truth of the matter is that we were and are The Bang. No amount of doing anything will take us from the source of that creation.

We are the imagination.

However, if we are unwilling to allow ourselves to deal with the hell of the moment of creation as trillions and trillions of particles and atoms collide to create something new, in a hell storm of fire and destruction, we keep our minds in that time and space so to speak.

The Tao, like the imagination expands, never ceasing. It contains and welcomes all thing’s, so say’s the Tao Te Ching. In which case we can focus on the bang, or we can focus on the continued ordering of the expansive chaos.

Talk about a brain full.

Where our focus flows our energy goes. So, if we find ourselves in the chaos, realize that we only must sit and see past the chaos to the glory of all the beautiful creation.

The lesson I received today was simply to exist through the chaos and know that all things flow to the Tao. So, as I remain still in the midst of the storm, I am being carried to gentler waters.

But, I don’t want anyone to try and understand this with their mind. The point is to feel it. To feel the chaos at the beginning of your silent meditation and watch as it all fades and orders it self the longer we sit and breathe in the silence.

To me this is understanding the Tao, not in mind but in practice. The Tao Te Ching, also says that you can not try and be one with the Tao, you just are.

I feel that there is so much more to say here about day one. The interesting thing to note also, is that like the expansiveness of the imagination, the ideas about the Tao continue to flow unending for eternity.

Thanks for reading, the Tao is yours.

Unlocking The Mind

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What if I can’t?  This question is a spell, a curse, a limitation that until now has gone undiagnosed in my own psyche as a part of me.  What if I can’t, made so much sense and gave me so many logical reasons that made sense to my brain.  The reasons of why I can’t be a writer, “you aren’t smart enough, you don’t have anything interesting to say and writing is hard, you’re no R. L. Stein.”  What if I can’t pay my bills?  The crazy thing is that I do pay my bills, and on time for that matter.  I don’t miss payments I am not in some massive amount of debt, yet my mind is willing to create an almost unlimited number of stories, (see why I can be a writer, because I already make up stories an infinite amount daily) for the sole purpose of keeping me right where I am. 

Of course, I can pay my bills doing something different.  Not only something different but by doing the thing I love.  I pay my bills by doing what I hate, what if I can’t, is a liar.  What if I can’t, is the same person that says “I am not enough.”  Well, I am calling bullshit on these stories, and I am calling them out for the beggars and liars they are.  As I sit here and think about quitting my day job, Wednesday is my last day, the voice screams “What if I can’t make it as a writer or speaker?”  It is loud, it is scared, it shakes me and gives me goosebumps (thanks R.L.), but if I listen close and do not immediately agree with the voice that says, “What if I can’t” I hear another voice, not as loud but so full of calm, love and serenity I can feel its truth in every word when it says in response, “You Can.” 

Every time “What if,” comes up the second more knowing voice say’s “I Can.”  Isn’t that something?

It has been there all along I am sure, but only recently have I made any attempt to listen to it past the fear of the first story.  The second voice knows the truth.  The truth that I am already taken care of and the only thing holding me back is my death grip on an old story that tells me life must be a certain way, “here is the system that works for the majority of people, stick to that or die.” But it doesn’t have to be true for me, for you or for anyone that doesn’t believe it because that story is not the one that I want to live. 

I can hear a different calling for my life, I can feel a different calling for my life. It is inside me and always has been.  Yet, the scared voice of decades of others scared programming leads me here.  I must have the faith in my inner voice, the one that knows with the stillness of the infinite space of the universe. 

Its like, “oh you think you can’t do something, no, that’s not true, you absolutely can and if you want to, will.”  It just knows and as I write this, I know how right it is.  I see how silly it was for me to believe this limiting story, this limiting voice that says “What if you can’t?”

I am a silly person though and that is another gift of mine.  The beauty of realizing this is that now anytime that voice of fear pops up I know I can wait a moment and the voice of my heart, that is connected to the source of all the universe will say, “You Can” and then I can go about my day doing exactly what I know now that I was meant to do in this moment. 

It is possible for all of us.  Sometimes its not the second voice, sometimes it’s the hundredth voice that says “you can” but, if you are willing to sit through all the lies and bullshit of a fear built into you, you will come to the truth. 

That how ever is the work, sit and listen until the truth reveals itself.  The truth of sitting with yourself is that it is really uncomfortable and can really feel like shit.  I know for me, I am bombarded with past shame over and over again, future horrifying realities that do not or may never exist.  Sitting through these stories the mind throws at you is like walking through a carwash made of fire.  But, if you can focus on only your breath and wait, the car wash of fire eventually stops and what happens after the storm is immaculate, everything you need will be found there. 

I challenge you as I challenge myself every day, sit in silence in this mental car wash and allow the voice that truly knows you, to speak to you, and watch the incredible releasing of the unlimited power within you. 

It is right there inside all of us, it’s time to listen.

Find Joy Now

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I feel inspired to write, I let go of the job.  I let go of the fear that I couldn’t do it on my own, or at least in a different way.  I spend a lot of time saying I want to help people find joy in their lives.  I want to help people be unlocked and free to do what their hearts desire and the whole time I was completely locked up in my own life.  How in the world would I help anyone feel freedom and joy when I had no idea how to find it for myself? 

So, here I am searching for that which brings me joy.  I want to say the things that bring me joy are what brings most people joy, you know the stock answers, spending time with loved ones, going on adventures, my kids.  But the reality is those things are a by product of spending time in my Joy.  Those activities are complete when I am whole, when I, myself show up as the entire version of me and there is nothing outside of me that I need to do.  It is the time with loved ones or experiencing new things that becomes the gift of me already living in my hearts truest joy. 

So, where the hell is that joy?  Where is that passion if it isn’t those things, and it isn’t becoming a billionaire entrepreneur?  If it isn’t being massively famous or rich, or in super incredible shape. 

If it’s not the big house and the fast cars.

If it’s not the respect of my fellows and the power of leadership.

If it’s not my bank account, or the service I bring to others.

Then what in the hell is it?

The short and sweet answer is it’s me.

It’s the inner infinite me.

It’s the me that knows no matter how the world sees me, I am enough.

It’s the me that knows, no matter how much money I have, I am wealthy.

It’s the me that knows, whether my kids love me or want to be with me, I am love.

It’s the me that knows, no matter the size, quality or cost of the place I call home, I am home.

It’s the me that knows, that no matter if people think I am worthless, I am worth, I am value.

My joy rest in me and says you are Love.  You are Peace.  You are Time.  You are Wealth.  You are Energy.  You are Joy.  You are Enough.  You are Power.  You are Respect.  You are Health.

I do not have to look for what brings me joy.  I am Joy.  I do not have to fix my life.  I am Life. 

It is only when I believe all of these things exist some how outside of me that I lose myself.  It is when I believe that I must help others find them selves that I can not find myself.  I can easily mistake the promise of money and security for the source of my happiness and peace. 

However, the truth remains, I am The Source.  I am The Security.  I am all that I have ever been searching for.  I am everything that I will ever need.  It is only in the fearful place of my mind that says, “you need to go and get that job, you need to go get that relationship, you need to go get that security.”

To be fooled any longer by fear is to deny the true gift I have to offer.  I am the gift and SO ARE YOU?

It is never anywhere else but here with us, in us in this very moment, we are the gifts to the world and we only forget that when we chase that which is outside of us because of fear. 

Amen.  Your Joy is from within.


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When you want to quit, you should surrender instead.  Surrender holding onto the processes, the terror, the thought demons that hold on to you.  Surrender controlling the outcome because the outcome is an instance of so many variables that have a smaller correlation with your perceived action then we may ever truly realize. 

I don’t want to be a person that quits when life is hard anymore, but I am ok being a person willing to surrender my strangle hold on the ideas I have.  I will hold on to the vision of the reality I would like to create, like a Kraken freshly released onto a sailing vessel.  So many times, throughout the course of my day I become the god of my universe, controlling with full righteousness and omnipotent insight. I am no god, and my control is killing me.  Killing me in the sense, that I am beyond exhausted trying to manage the wind, (someone else’s mood).  Trying to keep gravity from crushing me, (My plans for the future), and trying to keep the seas from flooding the land (My own negative emotions and thoughts). 

It is a preposterous attempt on my end to think that I can hold back all the forces of nature to create the optimal circumstances for my own ascension to a higher, happier, more hospitable future.  Not that I shouldn’t live in such a way that is disciplined to do my best to make the future I want as likely as possible but, to believe that I can predict the future and honestly make attempts to create the exact future I see a reality is a bit Egotistical. 

There have been some seriously incredible humans that have walked the earth and even the greatest amongst us will say that things still happened out of their control all the time.   The acknowledgement that life happens out of my control is step 1 in my healing and moving towards the future I do want.  And just because something happens out of my control does not mean it is not for my benefit, it is my responsibility to see it as meaningful in a positive way not only a negative way.

I work in a business that is fully unpredictable, because it is predicated on human behavior and people do not always live the most stable emotional lives no matter how healthy, wealthy, or well-meaning they are.  I tell people I work with that, the best thing we can do for ourselves when we go out everyday to deal with the public is to go in with a mindset that there are going to be challenges, problems.  People will not want to talk to you, they will tell you to get the hell away from them, that they do not need you or your help.  Not to mention the technology side of the job that has its own million and one problems.   Even with that I say attack each moment knowing that there will be a hill to climb, don’t make it a mountain.  We can accomplish that by addressing it immediately and directly.  By not waiting and immediately taking the hill, we do not give our minds time to turn it into a mountain.  Go for it right now. 

I approach each day as if it is out of my control what the circumstances are, but I am fully in control of how I move through these circumstances, thus I gain my power back.  I am empowered by my perception of life, control has gone from the things outside of me, that I have no power over, to the things inside of me that I do. 

I have to keep working on this every moment, as I mentioned above the flood waters are always crashing against the rocks, the wind is always changing direction and gravity can be a real bitch.  But, the challenge of each day if taken on a moment-to-moment basis can bring a fullness to life that is hard to measure and even harder to put words to.

I must surrender to win in my life.  When I surrender my expectations for the way I believe life should be, life works out pretty damn good.  My only responsibility is to work with what I am given to the greatest extent of my ability.  I do not have to live someone else’s life and I do not have to solve someone else’s difficulties; my only responsibility is to my own life.  When I live this way, life takes care of itself.

So, I surrender. No more quitting, but I do surrender my control of the forces of nature outside of me and take back responsibility for the forces inside of me.  I am the pebble in the pond.  To surrender the outward control and take up the inward power is the fullest freedom of life.  I challenge you all to do the same.

Proof of God

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The Universe is intentional. It must be. I have done the required reading and work and have come to this conclusion with 100% percent certainty. The pure fact is this, that without intention although results of mater will be produced, without pure intention nothing of true meaning can result.

Let us take a journey through our own lives for the evidence, shall we?

As young people we go about each and everyday with seemingly no real intention other than that of enjoying ourselves. Some of us make friends, some of us run frantically through the woods with sticks looking for monsters, and some of us sit quietly reading about the actions and lives of others. These of course are not all the possible ways in which we do things as young people, but you get the point we are simply looking for joy.

Each and every action we take on a daily basis turns into a practice and what we practice we become, our practices define our futures no matter what the practices are. So, if you have been practicing talking behind your friends back since you were little well then you probably find yourself with a lot of wayward friendships. If you practiced sitting quietly and breathing since you were little you probably have no problem dealing with the craziness of the world.

However, it is not until we take these practices and put a defined intent behind them that we begin to produce some real exquisite results. This is after all a cause and effect Universe, and maybe just maybe, all the conditions were precisely as they needed to be for the evolution of every species on earth, humans not withstanding, to be created, i.e the theory of evolving from nothing to something, but this feels completely off to me.

Even the most gifted artists do not accidently create a beautiful work of art with life and soul. What brings anything to life is the conscious intent behind the creation. This is as true as the age old question “if a tree falls in the woods, and no one is around to hear it does it make a sound?” Here is the important part, some one must be conscious for consciousness to be expressed. So then the creation of the Universe would have required an original consciousness to express the Universe in any ordered form. With out the consciousness present all would seemingly be chaos with no purpose.


Now, here is where we get to the exciting stuff. Purpose is the past tense of Intent. By that I mean that anything can have purpose because purpose can be assigned after the fact because purpose is formed from a recognized pattern for our own personal intent. Our intent can pre diagnosis our purpose but there must be original intent for any of it even if it a simple underlying intent to everything we do, such as I have good and joyful intent with everyone I meet. As apposed to I plan on discovering this persons reason for living while I speak with them. Now in the second scenario there may be good intent there but the true intent is to discover this person’s reason which could produce a good or bad effect for either me or them regardless my intent is not for a good outcome. If it was simply for a good outcome my questioning may change if I notice the conversation going in a way that causes the other person or my self harm.

So, regardless there is always intent with Consciousness whether we are aware of it prior or after the fact. The point being and how this knowledge is profoundly important for our life is that once we are able to put proper intent towards our daily life than we can finally move in the direction we would like for ourselves. But that takes a true clarity of ones own personal self. The idea that we always end up where we were supposed to be also makes since in this context because our underlying intent is always there guiding us even when we don’t realize it and its only upon looking back do we see the reason for things. This of course feels like a very exhausting way to live and can be, but if we can discover who we are and what we truly want then we can kick the door wide open on creation and stand at the forefront of awakening to the truth that we were all created in the image of God and as such are creators in the same way. God knows Gods nature. To truly know our nature is then the secret, and once that is uncovered we move the same way God does with meaningful intent to create the outcome we desire. We will get there regardless, the question is will we be driving or just along for the ride.

Intention is the key to awakening. There must be a God because there is an us and we could not derive purpose with out an original intention and intention is based in consciousness.