A thrum of energy resonated through me, as time seemed to pause. A drop of water from the leaking faucet hung in the air for a moment before crashing into the metallic basin, with a thunderous crash. Stirring me from the thought that had me frozen. “Who am I?”
What a question. I have spent my entire life pondering, somedays I increase my ponder level to a million though, and seemingly stop time. Today is one of those days. Let’s dig in shall we.
“Am I my past?” Well, one would surmise that, yes, yes I am my past because everything in my past has made me the man sitting here at the kitchen table writing this blog right now. However, that would mean that I am only possible of doing the things that my past has shown I am capable of doing, which is to say destroy my life with bad choices and alcohol. Well I know for a fact I am not that person anymore, I haven’t been for almost six months now, what a miracle.
“So, I am not my past, fine. Am I the man I want to be?” Great question, thank you for asking. Sure I could say, well yeah I am the man I want to be. I am sober, I’m writing every day, I have published two books in two months. I have accomplished a lot. I have friends who I care about and my relationships with my family are growing better each day. Not bad, I could be happy saying I am that guy. But, “Is that who I am?” NO, it’s not.
“Well geez, Matt, who are you then? Are you the future you?” HA, I say. What a silly question, of course, I am not the future me, that me only exists in my imagination. He has lived a life of a million stories, loved and laughed until he was incapable of doing either another moment more, yet still somehow found the endurance to love more and to laugh more. No, I am not that man.
“It would seem you are confused then Matt, you have no real Idea of who you are.” Ha, I say again to you. For I am all these men, I am built of my past experiences but not limited by them. I am proud of my current accomplishments but not satisfied with them. And I am excited for the next moment that is sure to come and fill me with all the joy it could ever muster, as soon as I am done with this moment.
I am as religion teaches, and the program, a Trinity of things. I am only truly who I am when I am mindful of the 3 in 1.
“Wow, that is very interesting. I have never thought of it in that way. You must be very proud of yourself.” Haha, I am and you should be too because you are the “past me” asking the “present me” about the “future me” and we are all here to answer the call.
Now I ask you, Who Are You?
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