Meh, transitions in life can leave me feeling depressed. No matter how or when they show up, life changes can be disorienting. I have noticed that my brain will try and trick me from recognizing a change is taking place.
The wacky brain delusions happen quite a bit as if my mind is doing everything it can to keep me in the same exact spot in life.
It makes sense that my brain would want to stay in the same frame of mind as changing can be difficult. However, it still surprises me when after years and years of going through difficult transitions only to end up better off, my brain is still hard wired to hang on to the life it knows and has grown accustomed to.
I suppose I can’t blame my brain, millions of years of evolution have made it this way.
A thought came to me during meditation this morning, as I speak of change. There are two types.
Organic change and forced change.
Organic change happens on its own, by way of us living a certain way gradually our lives change.
Forced change happens when we make or take a drastic step to live differently.
Neither of these is better or worse than the other they are just different.
The thought that occurred to me during meditation was, “Is your life better than it has ever been?” My answer was yes, 100 times yes.
The voice came back and said, “Why do you want to try and do something different than what you are doing now, if what you are doing now is producing the best life you have ever lived?” My answer… ugh, well because I am an addict and need satisfaction immediately and more is better. Lets get more.
See the thing is the change or transition that I am feeling is one organically happening in my life by decisions I have been making everyday for over 7 months now.
The problem I am running into is that while these organic changes are happening I am trying to force more change on top of this when its unnecessary. I am already living an incredible life and it has progressed so profoundly, why would I try and do something different now as the fruits of my labor just begin to take shape.
The answer is because of fear. Fear of success, as soon as I see the fruits begin to bud I start to judge them and say. “Oh no, that fruit will be no good, it isn’t enough to sustain me or it wont be ripe in time. I better leave the field I have been tending and start planting seeds somewhere else just in case.” I am insane.
When after months of planting seeds in a field, tending, watering, loving and nurturing the growth of these seeds, they finally start to show, I get scared they aren’t enough. That I am not enough. That the work I put isn’t good enough, so I go chasing another field of dreams.
Well, not this time damn it. This time I will stay with my yield, I will tend to the seeds I have planted as they begin to bud and give them every ounce of me. I will give them the love and dedication I showed them when I first started, because they still need it even more so now that they are above ground.
“Don’t run from the harvest when it starts to produce for fear it won’t be enough. Have faith that the seeds you planted and the work you did will produce all you ever needed and more. ”
“Don’t allow the fear of Change to make you run in a different direction. Let’s stay the course. For the first time in my life, I am going to stay the course and see what comes of my farming.”