Seeking Purpose Today

Tao Te Ching Day 25: Living Through Suffering

“Favor and disgrace make one fearful
The greatest misfortune is the self…”
TTC 13 Lin

I am suffering today. All my expectations about this week have slowly eroded to a heaping pile of rubble as my body has completely given up on me. I am in suffering at this moment. I see it as such sweet poetry that I would be suffering, because I know the only thing causing my suffering is my self.

The Tao Te Ching, has gone over this lesson with me many times, yet again I am here. I am again holding on to self.

“What does ‘the greatest misfortune is the self’ mean?
The reason I have great misfortune is that I have the self.
If I have no self, what misfortune do I have?”
TTC 13 (Lin)

So, although I can sit in suffering and say this went wrong and that’s not fair. My suffering is coming from the fact that Matt is desiring something different than what is. The self is caught in itself and the way it wishes things to be.

Lao Tzu, expresses in this chapter that when favor is something we love, then we create a place where disgrace can show up. Not having favor, we can have no disgrace.

I had been feeling on top of the world the past week, and began making plans from my top of the world perspective. It is amazing that I can constantly be in a place of contemplation and practicing these virtues yet they will still sneak up on me and put me on my ass.

This is the way of life.

I do find myself upset today by my circumstances and the only way to stop being upset is to be upset and let what is happening run it’s course.

It is like being caught on a carnival ride that you thought looked like it would be fun but when you got on it the safety bar was jammed in your nuts and the person sitting next to you had a weak stomach.

Of course you want to get off, you are in a lot of pain and you are covered in another’s vomit. But, the ride has to continue, because that is the ride we are all on.

It could feel like a curse or that you have been singled out by God because of something you did. But the truth is, “the rain falls on the just and the unjust alike”.

So what do we do in this situation? We accept the fuck out of it (excuse my language I cuss more when I am in pain).

How do we except it? We remember why we got on the ride in the first place. We say it was because it looked fun, but the truth is we wanted to experience it. Whether it was fun or not was subjective to the rider, and that subjective truth still exists.

So we can choose to actually enjoy our suffering by allowing it to be its most radiant, uncomfortable and disgusting self.

What do we have to lose, it is going to run its course whether we like it or not.

I tell my kids all the time, “there are two things in this life you can control, your attitude, and your effort.”

My attitude today has been a bit bitchy, honestly (again sorry). It does not have to remain that way. If we can embrace our suffering, we shrink our small self back to its right size and allow our higher self to enjoy the ride.

“So one who values the self as the world can be given the world
One who loves the self as the world
Can be entrusted with the world.
TTC 13 (Lin)

Can we love our “self” (ego) enough to give it over to the way things are? Can we love ourselves enough to not allow favor and disgrace to sway us? Can I still serve the world as though I were serving myself even through my own suffering?

We do this by being vulnerable in our suffering. When we share our hurt and failure with the world, we show that we are not above any of it, and that it is ok to feel low.

The book “Man’s Search for Meaning” by Viktor Frankl is an astonishing testimony to this aspect of the human condition. We may be suffering yet we can alleviate our our own suffering by helping someone else through their suffering.

In the book, he talks about sharing his ration of food for the week, which was less than a quarter of a loaf bread with another of his concentration camp fellows, who was in worse shape than him. It not only gave his friend strength from extra food but it lifted his own spirit and the spirit of his friends that they were in it together.

A true testament to getting through suffering and a highly recommended read for any person.

We never suffer alone, unless we decide to cut ourselves off from source. We are always as connected as we choose to be and I hope my suffering today can alleviate someone else’s out there even if just a small amount.

So let’s through our vomit covered hands in the air, let go of our broken balls, and scream like the happiest little kids on the ride. Even if tears are flowing the expression of joy in the pain is the most real and honest description of what I have ever known being human to be.

I am human, today and always.

Happy Day

Tao Te Ching Day 24: Flexibility

Flexibility strikes me today, as a lesson to embody from the Tao Te Ching.

I have been in the process the past few days of working on my alignment as I shared on day 21, I was out of Alignment. Due to multiple factors, not the least of these has to do with my flexibility. You see I can be a very stern, disciplined man. I fight with myself a lot about this fact. The fact that I fight this fight within is another reason flexibility has been a huge theme in my life.

I had a therapist tell me years ago that I needed to schedule more flexibility into my life, after I told her my schedule for my days. I was dumbfounded. I thought, “how the hell do you schedule flexibility?” I mean it’s not like I can say, “Ok, Tuesday at 2 o’clock I will be more open to things not going the way I need them too.”

It’s a fact of life that things happen out of our control all the time and my ability to be flexible means that I cannot schedule flexibility, I must live a flexible life.

“While alive, the body is soft and pliant.
When dead, it is hard and rigid.” TTC – 76 (Lin)

So, how do I live a more flexible life?

Well, I will tell you. In the process of trying to get my neck and back in alignment again, I did yoga. And I am not talking about difficult yoga, like you see on tv or in documentaries about crazy Yogis. I did a 20 minute, lay on the ground, “Love your lower back” yoga. It was so simple and felt great. But don’t you know it, I hurt my knee doing it.

It’s funny when you think about it. And I knew my body was speaking to me still in that time. Asking for more flexibility. You see Lao Tzu mentions in the Tao Te Ching that he only wishes to teach 3 things, Simplicity, Patience, and Compassion.

The Tao Te Ching is showing me how to use all 3 of these with myself at this moment.

“All living things, grass and trees, while alive, are soft and supple.
When dead, become dry and brittle.
Thus, that which is hard and stiff is the follower of death.
That which is soft, and yielding is the follower of life.” -TTC 76 (Lin)

My body is screaming out for me to be more on the side of life and less on the side of death. Even by trying to make things better with gentle practices I have been making things worse. The Tao is teaching me a different type of flexibility.

I am learning to be flexible of mind and spirit. I lived so many years, needing regimented bodily routine to feel like I was making progress in this world. However, I am being shown now that a new life is being brought into existence.

I can be with life by being compassionate to myself and resting my body regardless of what my schedule calls for. I can relax my hold on the dictate of my life by having patience for wherever it is I think I am racing to.

I can take it easy and simplify things down to what is most important.

I find this as a more peaceful way to live. Sure, I could get angry and upset that it seems as if my body is failing me and I may not ever be able to do certain things again. Or, I could see it as the unfolding of my true nature and raising me up to a higher calling.

The truth of the matter is regardless of how I see it, my willingness to be flexible in this moment is being called upon and if I answer it, I can be a steward of life.

“Therefore, an inflexible army will not win. A strong tree will be cut down.
The big and forceful occupy a lowly position, while the soft and pliant occupy a higher place.” – TTC 76 (Lin)

The Tao Te Ching teaches that to have compassion for yourself you have to allow that the big strong tree will be cut down. That the great army will lose. It is a call to humility, to forgive ourselves in that which we perceive as a low place. If we can be come soft in the process of being squeezed, we will not be killed, we will only be transformed.

I am learning to accept more and more the truth of life on life’s terms. I had a sponsor once that said, “we accept life on life’s terms. It doesn’t say anywhere that we have to like it.”

I don’t like that my body is in pain. I do not like that I can not do the things that I have always done to keep myself in shape. But I do except them, and I also see how they are creating space for more of what is needed in my life to transform me to the next step along the way.

We can all be transformed in this way; it is what the Tao is all about. The Tao is expressing itself in me and I simply must allow it, because fighting it is aligning with death and I ain’t about that.

I hope that whatever you are facing today that you will give yourself the compassion, patience, and simplicity, to be flexible with what ever it is.

Know that you are being transformed into your highest self.

Happy Day

Tao Te Ching Day 23: Fear

Banish Learning, no more grief.
Between Yes and No, how much difference?
TTC- Chp. 20 (A&L)

The illusions of fear seem to always be present, or rather fear seems to always be presenting itself.

I have been doing a deep dive into the heart of my fear. Every time fear arises, I sit with it.

I have always had such a negative reaction to something that causes fear inside me. The other day it was the thought of doing my taxes. I was sitting at the park doing a meditation completely at peace as the sun was hitting my face. Deep in my heart I felt a knowing sense of oneness with everything. Then as the mind always seems to do it said, in the stillness, “hey we got to do our taxes, we owe a lot of money.”

Oh silly brain, ABC (always be crazy).

If I have a little knowledge Walking on the great Tao I fear only to deviate from it.
The great Tao is broad and plain But people like the side paths
TTC chp. 53 (Lin)

My thought of taxes came up because the past few weeks I have been dealing with my fear of not having enough money. It was not a bad thought per say, but it did effect me in a bad way.

Immediately I felt like the hornets nest that resides inside me got kicked and stingers came out. My immediate reaction was to run, I wanted to open my eyes and start walking again, but I didn’t I remained still. The next thought that came up was to focus back again on the peaceful stillness that I had been on only 5 seconds prior. Again, something inside me said, “No, deal with this.” So, I stood there (mentally) amongst the hornets stinging me, and overwhelming me and I breathed.

What came next was a beautiful realization. It was from the bible, someone asked Jesus about paying taxes and Jesus said, “who’s face is on your coin?” The man replied, “Ceaser’s” to which Jesus said, “Well then give Ceaser his money.” I thought, “wow, was Jesus alive during the time of Ceaser or am I miss remembering this passage from the bible?” I will never know the answer to that, but what I do know is that a peace came back to me.

I was holding on to this idea that the money I had was somehow mine. That the money had to stay with me to have money, and paying taxes would only take away that which I earned. But, that is not true. The underlying fear that exists, in the hornets nest inside me say’s, “If I pay this money, I may never get it back.”

Between good and evil, how much difference?
What others fear I must fear, how pointless.
TTC – Chp. 20 (Addiss & Lombardo)

This fear is so silly and untrue, money is currency. Currency means, something that comes and goes, or passes through.

I hold on to money like a man that gets struck by lightning. I am afraid that in letting go of the lightning I will never get struck again. That is a crap metaphor, but what I am saying is that it is crazy.

I was afraid to pay money that I have now, for a future amount that I do not even know. That is the definition of a fearful delusion. So, after I looked that monster in the eyes I did what was next. I walked home and sat down and did my taxes.

Of course I owe money, which only means that I did a great job of making money this past year. To which I say great job, Matt.

It is funny that I can get caught up with having to pay a bill for service, goods, or hell even to buy food or even expand myself. Yet, I forget to be in total thankfulness that I have the money to pay it.

Haven’t we always had the money? If not would we be here? We are the existence of money, the source of it. Fear is there to show us where we block ourselves, it exists to light our way not to keep us from our higher selves. That’s why the Tao asks, “What difference between good and bad, yes and no.

The difference is what we make it. We find our selves locked in the paradox of a dualistic world. Trying to delude us from the reality that everything emanates from the same source.

You, Me, Tao. All things flow from the Tao as the rivers and streams flow from the oceans, as all things flow back to the ocean, all things flow back to Tao.

“Others have plans, I alone am wayward and stubborn,
I alone am different from others,
Like a baby in the womb.”
TTC – Chp. 20 (A&L)

To be different in this way we see all our fears as gifts knowing that they are nourishment from the Tao. That we remain for ever safe in the womb. Another way this last line is translated is, “And value the nourishing mother.”

Tao Te Ching Day 22: Expectations

“At rest is easy to hold.
Not yet impossible is easy to plan.
Brittle is easy to break.
Fine is easy to scatter.
TTC – Chp. 64 (Addiss & Lombardo)

We come into this world bound. I would like to say that we come in free, but this is not true. The truth is we come in bound by the reality of other peoples expectations of us.

As babies we have no idea of these expectations placed on us by others, but at some point the consciousness that awakens in us sees these expectations and makes a choice. We accept the expectations or we reject them, either way we are living in another’s life from the get go. Attached to another’s karma, dogma, and beliefs.

Life is full of these moments when the choice to attach or reject occupy us. However, there is a third option, and that option is The Tao- “Create before it exists. Lead before it goes astray.”

We have the option to do nothing, because nothing is still something, and it is the allowance of the expectations to drop away.

Chapter 64 is all about expectations. Something we do not yet believe is impossible we can plan for. There is no belief that what is to be done can not be done, therefore we can make it happen.

Creating before it exists is the source of creation. I can not write an entire article before I write one letter. Yet, having written one letter the entirety is created in its unfolding.

“A tree too big to embrace is born from a slender shoot.
A nine-story tower, rises from a pile of earth.
A thousand-mile journey begins with a single step.
TTC – Chp. 64 (Addiss & Lombardo)

There is never anything to do but start. The expectations of a thousand miles will hold us to never taking a step. The feeling of being burdened with someone else’s beliefs about our life will keep us from living in our own way.

Expectations of the way something should be, is a death toll to the thing ever existing. We can simply exist in the realm of possibility acting with non-action.

We start as babies and grow into adults not at the urging of others to do so, but by the nourishing of our beings.

Nourishing is allowing one step to be enough, allowing a slender shoot to be all the tree you will ever need.

Our expectations of our jobs, our money, our relationships, ourselves along the path of life keep us stuck precisely where we are, because our expectation of what should be isolates a future outcome and anything that does not resemble that expectation falls short, and anything that falls short keeps us looking for another tree, another 1000 mile journey.

“Act and you ruin it.
Grasp and you lose it.
Therefore the Sage, Does not act
And so does not ruin
Does not grasp and so does not lose.”
TTC – Chp. 64 (Addiss & Lombardo)

Here is the true freedom that we have been craving since birth. The freedom to let go of any outcomes for ourselves or others. We let go of pleasing peoples ideas about us and become what we are in the moment. There is no need to expect ourselves to do great things, we already are great things.

What if the greatness we possess is waiting for you to let go of what it looks like, so it can come to you?

What if the only thing holding us back in our lives from our dreams coming true is the vision of how we expect our dreams to show up or even to look? What if they look and come in very different packages than we expected?

What if the dreams we had were merely feelings of what we wanted, but our minds interpreted those feelings in the only way they currently knew how with information they had at the time?

What if we can not see the true beauty of what is ahead because it has never existed before in anything we have ever experienced?

Wouldn’t you want that dream more? Doesn’t that sound like a more exciting future? One that blows the roof off all your old stories.

Well here it is…

“People commonly ruin their work when they are near success.
Proceed at the end as at the beginning, and your work won’t be ruined.
TTC – Chp 64 (Addiss & Lombardo)

We can have anything we would like and live in full expression of our own divine nature by letting go in this way. We do not have to change to some other way of being and acting once we see people are watching.

Have you ever felt the need to change yourself or the way you are doing things once the thing you were doing begins to gain attention?

Isn’t that strange? Why would we change what is working? As if we expect others to expect us to give them more now that they have seen what we are capable of.

Can we hold to our center? Can we remain at the beginning even at the end?

The Tao Te Ching is expressing this beautiful message of dropping egoic outcomes so that we may live in a natural and free state. We evolve as a natural process of the Tao, not because someone asks us too.

When you were 5-years-old, if some one asked you to be 25 instead would you have been capable or would you have said, “you’ll have to give me some time.”

It is in this same way that we must approach all things in our life. “Time takes time,” expectations do not change the out come they only change the enjoyment of the journey.

Do you want happiness and enjoyment in your life?

“Therefore the Sage;
Desires no desire, prizes no prizes
Studies no studies and returns
To what others pass by.
The Sage,
Helps all beings find their nature,
But does not presume to act.
TTC – Chp. 64 (Addiss & Lombardo)

Transmission ended

Happy Day.

Tao Te Ching Day 21: Alignment

Photo by Julian Paolo Dayag on Pexels.com

I hurt my neck the other day doing pullups, I didn’t properly warm up and didn’t hav enough rest. At the time it happened, I stopped what I was doing and did something else, then did work to fix my neck.

My neck still hurts two days later and this morning, I thought I could go for a run and do burpees, my normal routine everyday. Well, on my third round of running for two-minutes and then doing 10 burpees, something else happened. As my body was being pushed off the ground by my arms, my lower back went out.

If you have ever had your back go out, it feels like electricity shooting through your lower spine into your legs. Not a fun time.

I immediately rolled over and said, “well this work is done for today.” Eventually I got up and went home to lay on the floor and meditate, but the damage was done. Now my neck and my back were fully fudged up.

Which brings me to the Tao Te Ching.

The Tao is constant in nonaction,
Yet there is nothing it does not do.
If the Sovereign can hold on to this,
All things shall transform themselves.
TTC – Chp. 37 (Lin)

I have been out of alignment, physically for the past few days with my neck being jacked up and it makes me see that this passage speaks to how we live our lives when we are in alignment with the Tao.

Constant nonaction- Had I been aligned with the Tao I would have realized that doing 100s of burpee when your neck is messed up is a bad idea. Yet, I decided to go and try it anyway, because in my mind not working out would be worse than working out hurt. Why?

Because not working out means that I might get fat, and getting fat is a sin and the worst thing I could do (So says my old programming and lower self). Have I not learned yet? I mean hell, I could maybe just try and eat healthy and go for a long walk, but old habits die hard and being out of alignment with my highest self or the Tao keeps me from creating that reality.

All things transform themselves, things are done without doing, this is what it means to be in alignment with Tao. Once in this alignment the decisions are not based in a place of low level fear. Creating a reality in which the only way for me to have good health is to punish myself into good health, like I had to do when I was younger and over weight.

The sovereign is any of us who have mastery of ourselves, to the degree that we allow a new way of being to take place. I was an unsovereign man today. But, that is ok, because the lesson not learned will continued to be taught until it has been fully grasped.

The alignment of my spine was a physical manifestation of the lack of spiritual alignment with Tao.

“Transformed, yet wishing to achieve,
I shall restrain them with the simplicity of the nameless.
The simplicity of the nameless,
They shall be without desire.
TTC – Chp. 37 (Lin)

I was desiring to stick to my strict regimen of exercising even when my body was calling for healing. I only need to see that in each moment is an opportunity to use flexibility or what ever else is necessary to realign myself with the nameless (Tao).

It is not a place of understanding or balance that I was coming from when deciding to push myself through already uncomfortable pain. But the answer was so simple and it was surrounding me. It was Sunday, I had worked hard all week, drove a ton and taken on a lot of new things. It would have made simple common sense to just rest for the day. Maybe stretch and eat well, but that was not the case.

I am not trying to beat myself up here, what I am getting at is that there is so much room for a wonderful life when I simply allow it. When the signs are all pointing in one direction, yet I bull headedly move in the way I want to go, I deal with the difficulties on that path.

The incredible thing about the Tao Te Ching, is the constant coming back to Simplicity, Stillness, and Everything taking care of itself.

Without desire, using stillness,
The world shall steady itself.
TTC – Chp. 37 (Lin)

The Tao Te Ching is telling us over and over and over again to simply relax. Everything has its magnificent way of taking care of it self. This is also true when it comes to the individual. I only need to make simple choices (Eventually there are no choices to be made and we just flow as the river does) and listen to what is happening inside of me to live a life that is less full of difficulty and pain and more full of miracles and blessing.

I want the latter.

Hold on to the Tao, be in alignment with the way things are, and save yourself a literal pain in the neck and ass.

Happy Day

Tao Te Ching Day 20: We Have All We Will Ever Need

Knowing others is intelligence,
Knowing your self is enlightened.
TTC – Chp. 33 (Addiss & Lombardo)

Chapter 33, stuck out to me today. I have spent all day at the baseball fields with my kids as they play in baseball tournaments. The sun, excitement, the dust, the driving and the constant action have left me feeling wiped out.

I see myself in this moment and know that I am tired, and that I do not have a lot to give in terms of the written word. I know that I want to do all that I can and in knowing these things I must realize that what I am capable of is always enough.

I know that we can not always feel like Mensa geniuses when tackling challenges in our life and I see writing today, in this moment as a massive challenge. But I also see that much of the fatigue or feeling of not knowing what to write comes from a place of expectation of what I am writing needs to be.

Conquering others takes force.
Conquering yourself is true strength.
TTC Chp. 33 (Addiss & Lombardo)

The challenge does not exist outside of me in the actual writing of this blog post. The challenge lies with in me, to simply write what is here to write. I am conquering myself by doing that which I feel is not possible. Every part of me just wants to shut down, go to sleep, and get to it tomorrow.

But I promised myself I would do this and I won’t break these kinds of promises ever again. This is how I rebuild the trust with my self. I have to be able to trust myself on a deeper level, to move to the next level. I have to know that my very best in this moment will be enough. Because this is what the moment has to offer.

If I truly understand the teaching of the Tao, then I see that there is nothing I must do. The moment provides all that I could ever require to be at my absolute perfect expression of myself.

It’s not denial, and it’s not hyperbole.

The gift of this moment, of being too tired to write, yet writing anyway. It shows me that my feelings and my thoughts are based in old stories. Stories that exist in a smaller life. A life that I had been living. But, each moment has an infinite potential an unlimited ability to be the most magnificent moment that we have ever experienced.

I can feel it know, building in the realm of quantum. I can feel the essence of that unlimited potential excited by my realization of it and my letting go of the old story, the old pattern.

Those old patterns that quit too easy, or allowed the promises to be broken. Allowed any excuse to get in the way. The old patterns that did not see the full abundance in each moment even when we feel at our absolute worst.

Realizing we are in the moment we are in, for the exact purpose we need to be in it, and if we can only see through the delusion of our old self to the NOW self we can live in an unbelievable, unlimited way.

Knowing what is enough is wealth.
Forging ahead shows inner resolve.
TTC – Chp. 33 (Addiss & Lombardo)

This is who we are, in every moment. When we stop seeing ourselves as old feelings and old thoughts, and instead exist right here in this infinite Now we express the Tao fully.

It is in our vulnerability that we find our strength. When we see the failing of who we thought we were we get to be reborn to something new, something even more expansive and amazing.

When we allow ourselves to feel weak, we have to acknowledge our true strength. That although we never wanted to be weak, or afraid, or feel unworthy or unloved, we do and what does that make us now. When our image of who we thought we were breaks apart can we let it? Can we fall apart with out dying?

We do all the time. In this moment deciding to write from the here and now and let go of any expectations I had for myself or my writing, I find a new me was waiting to be born. One that doesn’t need to feel a certain way to do what is in his heart.

That we can allow our selves to flow and unfold in the most amazing ways, even if we are tired.

Hold your ground and you will last long.
Die without perishing and your life will endure.
TTC – Chp. 33 (Addiss & Lombardo)

We die without perishing by letting go of whatever version of our self we are currently identified with, and move into the new self that exists just for this moment RIGHT NOW.

Isn’t that freaking incredible. I had no energy (so I thought) to write tonight, and here I am writing a way, a much longer blog than I had envisioned. Why? Because the me that was not yet in this moment did not realize the potential of the moment.

We must be willing to meet the moment when it arises and allow the energy that exists with in it to fill us to the fullest of its extent.

We are fully expressing the Tao in this way. Fully giving ourselves over to the infinite potential of the moment by letting go of what we thought the moment would be and just letting the moment be exactly what it is.

Any way, that was awesome and I am now full of energy. I hope you feel that too.

Either way, thank you for reading and,

Happy Day.

Tao Te Ching Day 19: War

I realized not long ago that the world is as sick as I find myself to be. Am I at odds with me? A question that should not need asking, as I am me, and I should rightly know the answer.

Yet, the human mind is a tricky place, it creates so many worm holes, delusions, and mirages, one can get lost on the wrong path by following a gentle breeze.

I have been at odds with in myself. I have been at war with my, yes and no, dark and light, yin and yang.

Use Tao to help rule people.
This World has no need for weapons,
Which soon turn on themselves,
Where armies camp, nettle grow,
After each war, years of famine.”
TTC – Chp. 30 (Addiss & Lombardo)

I have picked up weapons against myself, in the form of self doubt, morbid reflection and holding on to fear.

Weapons do not always look like guns and bombs, sometimes the most subtle weapon any person posses is the weapons of self destruction. These weapons can be picked up at any time and used in any manor of ways.

Chapter 30, Lao Tzu, is speaking to the war that was, at the time of this writing, beginning to grip is home and his words were of course meant for those involved, but on a more subtle level they can be applied to any one of us as we embrace our light and dark.

The cure for war is not peace but compromise. Peace can be a side effect of compromise and as I attempt to compromise with myself I do so in hopes of bringing light and darkness together.

“Knowing the white, but keeping to the black.” As Chapter 28 of the Tao Te Ching refers.

I can reconcile these pieces of me that constantly war with one another each trying to grab hold of more land and over take the others strong hold. It is a battle all of us face, a subtle battle that plays out under the surface but brings about many destructive forces to the world.

The most fruitful outcome, does not depend on force,
But succeeds without arrogance. Without hostility,
Without pride. Without resistance. Without violence.
TTC – Chp. 30 (Addiss & Lombardo)

In understanding the nature of the Tao I have come to understand that each thing has its time and place. There is time for assertion and there is time for acceptance.

The serenity prayer puts it this way. “God, grant me the serenity, to accept things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

True wisdom or mastery does not come from allowing one side or another to take precedence over the other because one is seen as good and one is seen as bad.

True mastery of one’s self is knowing when to assert and when to allow. This is also at the root of all war. Not allowing, when someone else is asserting because of pride, arrogance and holding on to what we believe we possess.

To possess anything is to be possessed by that which we own.

Lao Tzu, was also not advocating bending over and simply allowing others to come and kill you.

He also said that defending yourself can be necessary only when all other options have been tried.

To go to quickly to war by weaponizing ourselves against a perceived threat is the surest way to self defeat and damnation. We must be willing to hear both sides out, hold space for the waring nature with in us. If there is no diplomacy with in our own being there will be no peace outside of us.

If there is no diplomacy within our own being, there will be no peace outside of us.

I have been witness to my own destruction many times, in trying to correct by force that which I believe is wrong in me, only to find the axe swinging back at me. I have learned to give space to this pain and war that wants to rage in me. Allowing it time to breathe. It may seem like an urgent affair to correct the perceived wrong outside of us or with in us.

However, the clouds take time to pass and still the sun shines. The river slows after it reaches the bottom. Allow that which rages in you to settle before deciding.

The cost of war is much greater than the decision to remain a place of peace for a moment longer.

“If these things prosper and grow old,
This is called not – Tao.
Not – Tao soon ends.
TTC Chp. 30 (Addiss & Lombardo)

Tao Te Ching Day 18: Addiction, Codependency, and Control

The weather has been so beautiful out where I live lately. I love the opportunity to go outside and run around under a big beautiful sun, while the trees and the flowers bloom and blow in the cool April breeze.

However, each day at about the 45 minute mark of being outside, my nose starts to run, my eyes begin to itch and my skin begins to burn. Then the sneezing starts. The pollen is a wildly beautiful show of the abundance of nature and it is also allows me to remain in a healthy balance with spending to much time in direct sunlight, as my lily white ass would be burnt to a crisp in no time if I remained outside.

But that is the beauty of this world. It is in perfect balance with it self. It is itself perfect, the way it is. And as such, needs no help in regulating itself. The Tao Te Ching puts it this way.

Trying to control the world?
I see you won’t succeed.
The world is a spiritual vessel
And cannot be controlled.
TTC – Chp. 29 (Addiss & Lombardo)

Like any living organism, the world has its very own natural way about it, as we humans do. I thought about this in terms of Addiction and Codependency. In both instances a person is using either a substance or a person to regulate their own feelings and if said person or substance is unavailable or not doing what they want, well then the person becomes what I would call, “A crazy person.”

See, I had to learn this 3 years ago when I entered recovery. There is nothing outside of ourselves that is under our control, if we believe we have control we are spending time in delusion and as I have learned, spending time in delusion is good for one thing, losing your mind.

The one who controls it will fail,
The one who grasps it will lose.
TTC – Chp. 29 (Addiss & Lombardo)

The Tao Te Ching is giving very clear insight here as to what will transpire by our own unwillingness to acknowledge the lack of control we have over things outside of our self. Like with the example of, being outside in the sun. I don’t have to fight against the fact that the world can be both a beautiful and dangerous place. I can either enjoy the time I have in the sun or be destroyed by it.

I can’t control the way nature effects me, I can control the amount of time I subject myself to it. Like an addict or alcoholic, I could not control myself when drugs or alcohol entered my system, no matter how much exercise, religion, or good nutrition I brought into the picture. I had to make a choice, I had to choose to eliminate something from my life that I had no control over if I used it.

Now, before I realized that I would drink everyday, and pray for a new outcome. I would wake up every morning and say today will be different and I would end up drunk and destroyed by the end of the night.

Because all things:
Either lead or follow
Either blow hot or cold
Either have strength or weakness
Either have ownership or take by force.
TTC Chp. 29 (Lin)

This passage reminds me of a saying “I have to accept life on life’s terms.”

The Tao again is showing us that all things have their very own nature, yet there is still a great balance to all of it. Some of us lead and some of us follow. Some of us rely on strength and some on vulnerability. Some are hot headed and some are cool as the breeze.

But they all have their very own way of being.

When I was drinking, I spent so much time denying my own nature. I am an empathetic person and the way I felt about the world and the people in it made me feel sick. I couldn’t save the world or control it and that alone ended up killing me.

I wanted people to be happy, but in my trying to see other people differently and control things out of my control I was denying my own nature. I am supposed to feel the way I feel about things.

I am supposed to hurt as much as I hurt, be afraid when I am afraid. I am supposed to love the way I love and be angry the way I get angry. Yet, I spent so much time denying my own unique nature because I saw it as wrong and I thought I should be another way.

I thought I should be happy all the time. I thought I shouldn’t have to feel pain, because I was a good person. I thought I should be treated better and I thought that life was unfair. I was unwilling to accept the true nature of things and in so doing I was trying to control the nature of things by denying my own nature.

What a shit show. Hahaha. Sorry, I needed to laugh, it was a real mess back then.

But this is exactly what the Tao Te Ching is warning against. We can make a real mess of life when we try and control it and not allow the nature of things to be as they are.

What I have learned is that we are all perfect in our own unique way. We all have our very own nature, and the Sage’s realized this. They lived this by accepting to the fullest extent their own natural way of being. They did not spend time denying their nature.

In this way they were sought after, they were seen as different because they grew and unfolded in the way that we all wish to. This is why the Tao Te Ching speaks so often about unlearning and letting things fall away. It speaks multiple times about doing nothing and nothing being undone. It is telling us to drop our old programming and allow our natural programming to wake up.

We all have the ability to unfold and grow in this natural way. To allow our beauty and uniqueness to be a light for the world. Each one of us can feel the natural sense of our own personal spirit. The spark of the divine in us that wants to express it self through us.

Therefore the sage:
Eliminates extremes
Eliminates excess
Eliminates arrogance
TTC Chp. 29 (Lin)

When we come into balance with our natural way of being, we eliminate that which no longer serves our highest self.

To allow all things to have their natural way, and recognize when something else’s natural way may harm your own way of being. It is ok to eliminate things that interfere with our natural way, whether it be relationships, foods, substances, whatever. To be truly in balance is to listen to the nature of who we are and know when something is taking away from our wholeness.

The Sage’s are telling us it is ok to remove things in your life that no longer serve a function to your well being. I have eliminated, alcohol, drugs, sweets, to much sun, and certain people from my life since getting sober, and all though I have removed almost everything that I used to focus on, my life is actually fuller and better than it has ever been.

Letting go of all things we open ourselves to be filled.

Happy Day.

Tao Te Ching Day 17: The Feminine

The essence of you is all that holds the Universe, the Universe waits to hold you.

I can be a difficult person to live with, I can also be a very warm and comforting presence. What decides the way I am unfortunately ends up being outside forces to often.

Is the house a mess, I am a mess. Was I unable to sleep, I am restless and irritable. Has the day yielded little in the way of growth or financial gain, I am loss, I am stunted.

This is what it is and I see it as the place from which I must begin. The Tao Te Ching, chapter 28 says,

Know the masculine, but hold to the feminine.
Be the watercourse of the world,
Being the watercourse of the world
The eternal virtue does not depart.
Return to the state of the infant.
TTC- chp. 28 (Lin)

I spend a life time asserting my will, my dominance of situations, yet still find that things are out of my control. Keeping to the feminine means allowing with love and grace, there is a time to assert, but live in allowing.

I bring myself to this place of unease when I do not stay to the feminine or become like an infant. Becoming like an infant would mean being with out senses that have a knowledge of the way things should be.

Be able to see things, experience things for the first time, every time, to remain in the “eternal virtue.” That is what it means to be the watercourse for the world. Be unchanged by the circumstances but hold to your course even when bent, and taken from.

Know the white, hold to the black
Be the standard of the world
Being the standard of the world
The eternal virtue does not deviate
Return to the state of the boundless
TTC- chp.28 (Lin)

Knowing the white again refers to a forceful imposing thing, but remaining in the black again shows us to keep to the silence and peaceful nature of essence.

When I react to this world continuously in the affirmative, always pushing, always trying to manipulate I remove the boundless nature of things and create form. I create the distinct physicality of my reality. As Wayne Dyer said, “anytime force is used no matter how small a counter force arises,”

Which means that if my reality seems to be at odds with me, it is not my realities fault or responsibility to change, it is mine. To remain in the eternal virtue I must again return to the essence, or potential of the now.

Everyday the teachings of the Tao Te Ching have shown up in my life and more often than not have been overwhelming clear as to my part in what I must do to live in more clear alignment.

This chapter tells us to be the Valley of the world, to know honor but stick to humility. Coming from this low place we are open to all things and all ways. Remaining humble enough to see the gifts that surround me everyday can be a challenge, but when I get it, man is it freeing, and absolutely astounding to feel the peace that accompanies this human aspect.

Return to the state of plain wood
Plain wood splits, then becomes tools
The sages utilize them
And then become leaders
TTC- chp.28 (Lin)

If I can allow all the pretense and ego of how I suppose life to be. If I can remove my will and manipulation for the how I expect things to turn out, I can make myself like “plain wood” and truly serve wherever needed. I can allow my self to be offered in service to all by not carving myself up with my own desires. This is how the Sages lived, and in so doing were the greatest leaders.

A leader must put them selves at the feet of those they wish to lead and serve them with a heart like the valley.

I pray to be this type of person, allowing all of my wants and desires to fall away. Even the desire to desire not desiring. Thanks for that Alan Watts.

I am the calm amongst the raging storm. I am the abundance in the wasteland. I am the peace in the madness. I am unmoved but constantly in motion. I am the essence of the dark, the allowing grace of the feminine, I am the senseless wonderment of an infant, and I am the unlimited potential of plain wood.

With out silence there would be no music, the space between rhythm and harmony is created by nothing at all. I am the infinite space of all creation. The bellows between Heaven and Earth.

I am, I am.

Happy day,

Tao Te Ching Day 16: The Teacher is Always Present

Photo by RODNAE Productions on Pexels.com

I was at a jump park with my kids the other day and one of the attractions there was a ninja warrior course, with a foam drop pit. Written on the very top of this course was the saying, “Bow to your Sensei.” It hit me like a bolt of lighting wrapped around a 2×4 being swung by Barry Bonds, The Teacher is Always Present.

This is the theme of chapter 27.

“Therefore the good person
is the bad person’s teacher, and the bad person
Is the good person’s resource.”
TTC – Chp. 27 (Addiss & Lombardo)

Have you ever heard anyone say, “I pray for patience and don’t you know it, I get stuck in traffic. I pray for strength and of course, my kids all wanna run away from home. I pray for love, and all the weirdos come out of the wood work.”

I know I have heard this many times, and I have experienced it as well. The reason for this and what Lao Tzu, was saying is that the teacher is never, not teaching. It is always up to the student to take the lesson.

“Not to value the teacher,
Not to love the resource,
Causes great confusion even for the intelligent.
This is called the vital secret.”
TTC – Chp. 27 (Addiss & Lombardo)

Back to the Ninja warrior thing. So, I’m looking at this thing, and of course I understand now, there is a lesson being taught at all times to anyone willing to become a student, and thankfully all it takes is willingness.

What does the Ninja Warrior course teach me. It teaches me, balance, core strength, courage, seeing beyond the obstacle and being present in discomfort.

Would I know that if I were unwilling? Hell no, I would remain ignorant to the fact that there is a great big world of sensei’s out there waiting for students to be present.

Yet, I can find myself unwilling at times to learn from that which is screaming in my face to learn it, because I can find myself thinking I am too intelligent to learn from a kids play ground.

So this is why, traffic shows up for patience, boredom shows up for peace, crazy people show up for love, and difficulty shows up for strength. They are all our teachers and allowing them to teach us is the only way to get through the insanity of dealing with any of them.

I remember after being sober for a while and getting some hobbies and learning to meditate, people would say, “I am happy to be sober, but man I am so bored.” I would ask them, have you been praying for peace? To which they would always reply, “Yes.”

I would then say, “well, it seems to me you are getting exactly what you are praying for, peace can feel a lot like boredom when we have spent a life time chasing chaos. Enjoy the peace, maybe you will learn something about yourself.”

Teachers always be teaching man.

“In this way the Sage, Always helps people and rejects none,
Always helps all beings, and rejects none.
This is called practicing brightness.
TTC – Chp. 27 (Addiss & Lombardo)

I have never seen a candle withhold light from someone because it didn’t like that person. Practicing brightness is shining for all, because allowing anyone to effect your light robs them of their ability to shine. In this way we are all teachers for one another if we are willing to practice brightness.

If you are feeling confused or lost, as though you have no idea what direction to take your life, feel secure in the fact that the teacher is right in front of you simply waiting for you to become willing.

How do I know this, because I had to become willing last night and humble myself to the teacher that was in front of me, and as soon as I did, life became enjoyable again.

Learn or do not learn, the choice is ours. When you are ready, humility will open doors that no number of keys could unlock.

Happy Day.