First Draft Podcast- Listen and Subscribe Now!!!
Sherrie and I trek through the Chattahoochee woods and discuss how miserable life can be sometimes and why it is so important. Please like and subscribe to the podcast for Author interviews, New perspectives, and opening your mind to some crazy shit.
What is it, what is the fucking point of pushing and pulling striving and straining? Moving at a pace that seems frantic all for what? Who are we trying to impress?
What are we trying to earn?
Trying to be better than what?
What are we? Where is the standard? I know a lot of people garner their standard of how they are supposed to be and supposed to live from a past version of a person sent to earth from the heavens.
Or even from a past version of a parent a role model or even the past version of themselves that they deemed so much better than they are right now.
Some will look to the future prospects of who they are, we will look into the void of time not yet here and say at some point out there I will be the man the woman the person I am supposed to be. The person I was born to be the person that I can be proud of that I can hold my head up high to the world and say, “that’s me dammit, look at me I am amazing.”
What about right now? What about who you are at this moment? What about the fact that everything in your mind as past and present is all some form of imagination. That time in a linear since only exists on your calendar and smartphone.
How about this. The only you that will ever be, is the one existing precisely at this moment. The only you that will ever be is reading this Fucking Word and asking “did he have to cuss and use capital letters there?” Yeah, I did.
The only you there ever was, is, and will be is the one you are sitting with right now in front of your computer, or smartphone reading this and wondering to yourself.
“What is the point in all of this? I don’t know what I am doing here. The person I was is no good the person I want to be doesn’t have a shot in hell at making a bit of difference. I am broke, ugly, stupid, my kids don’t love me, I have no prospects and well, WHATS THE FUCKING POINT?”
Here’s the deal, no one really likes to hear this but, if you’re thinking this you are wrong, 100% absolutely wrong. Every bit of it is wrong. All of it is wrong. All of those things I mentioned are things outside of your control, things perceived in an improper context from the angle of linear time.
We walk around with this great weight on our backs that we must earn our life, we must earn every bit of happiness we get, every lunch and ever hug. We have to earn Love and pray for grace. We must be different than we already are because what we presently are is a sad excuse for a human being.
We go chasing shadows. We live a perpetual life of always behind or too far out in front and we never get to experience the time and space where every, single bit of life is.
Right Here, Right Now. You are in the vortex of life, the spinning mass of all human existence and abundance. Every, single thing ever required for life is available to you in this very moment.
Stop
Reaching
For
Things that Do Not Exist.
The Point is That you are. You Have Been and You always will be in the only moment that ever mattered and there is nothing you can do to EARN a Damn thing. You can just accept it.
And anyway doesn’t it seem strange that when we go to our higher power, whatever that may be, in prayer and start asking for stuff we want. We ask for a raise, a new job, a happier marriage, a nicer car. This is the creator of the Universe we think we are talking to, sit back and receive whatever IT wants to give you.
Do not Limit yourself Now.
And breath, all that ever was and ever will be is happening right now and it’s happening for your benefit. Accept what the lesson or the blessing is and keep going.
So, you’re an idiot huh? A regular foot in your mouth, can’t get out of your own way kinda dummy, meh? (Imagine a 1930s Gangster talking) yeah see?
Well, ya came to the right place kid. There’s hope for you after all. I used to be just like you stupid as the day was naked. Full of questions, full of worry and anxiety, see? I didn’t know my up from my down and my in from my out.
In fact I lived outside up in a tree for years because of this simple fact. I thought I was inside, a ground level apartment. Let me tell you, was my face red when I found out, yeah I got a terrible rash from living in a fucking tree all over my face. Meh see. (Still a Ganster)
Anyway you’re not here to listen to me cry about the Zeke virus, you wanna know how to stop being such a idiot, dumb, dumb, doodoo head.
Well here it is my list of 6 steps to Stop being a Moron
1. You’re gonna wanna get a map
2. Tell your boss you quit
3. Marry that stripper you been seeing make her an honest gal or him an honest bro
4. Put the iron back when you’re done with it you freaking slob, what are you Russian.
5. Take Russian…
6. Be smarter you idiot. Lists are for morons.
There you have it my 6 steps to Not being such a Moron.
If you were able to read any of this what with you being a moron and all, congratulations on now not being a moron.
I hope that the squirrel you were sharing nuts and tree space with takes the break up ok. I know Steve the squirrel was sad when I left but, hey, oohhh, ya gotta move on.
You got life to live, rockets to Mars to build, Cancer to cure and creating a hot pocket with 30% more cheese. Good luck with the last one they already got so much cheese in there.
Any way drop me a line when ya ain’t dumb no more we can go drink some soda pops and pick up road kill.
Matthew Poole joins the Blog again with another thoughtful piece.
Follow Matthew on facebook@ https://www.facebook.com/authormattpoole and Twitter @https://twitter.com/MdpooleA
His Book “Salt and Light: Being the Hands and Feet of Christ” is available this Septemeber.
I recently shared a poem/song I wrote in 2004. My wife and I had been married for a year and trying to conceive our first child. The process was proving difficult and our stress level had only begun as a married couple. We believed early on that she was pregnant, but found out to our dismay that she wasn’t.
I understand that this early in a marriage, the problem of not having a child may seem insignificant, but as my poem read, “I’d give my life to put a face to you, one day would be enough”, we desperately wanted a child. So, you can imagine how the next six years drug on as we prayed and sought answers without result.
Can I just stop to say how wonderful God is? April 20th, 2010 I held my son for the very first time, and I will tell you that verse I wrote was as truthful then as it was when first written. Staring at that God created wonder; I would have fully surrendered my life if called on by God because in that moment, I was content.
I find myself sorrowful now thinking about how I took that joy that I was blessed with. That joy I would have given my life up for, and created a barrier. I completely separated myself from my son, and later his sister.
In my book, Salt & Light, I shared some of the difficulties I went through (really put myself through) because I let fear, depression, stress, grief, and alcohol control my life. I took the gifts that God gave me and built walls around them. My main fear was that my son was going to die. It was a fear I woke up to and later, passed out to. In the end, it was one of the only things keeping me from surrendering full control to God. I just could not look at God anymore and say “thy will be done” when it came to my son. It was so simple when he was born. So simple to say “you can take me”, but not him.
Maybe I can get an Amen way in the back, but finally surrendering to God was the most beautifully fearful action I have ever taken in my life. It was like everything in the world was behind me screaming “run away!” and God was standing right in front of me with arms open saying “no matter what…it will be ok.”
And you know what…It was ok. 1 John 2:17 says “The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever” and Jeremiah 29:11 states “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Our only hope is in the Lord. Life is scary, this world is crazy. But God is crazy in love with you. No matter who is behind you screaming from the safety of corners and dark places, God will always be right in front of you, showing you the way through your valleys, offering to take you all the way through your dark trials, and fearlessly leading the fearful on a beautiful walk with Him.
I was never there
I never heard you speak
Never called your name
Never brushed your cheekI never held your hand
Never sang you fast to sleep
Never smiled proudly
As you stood in front of meI was never there
Cause you would never be
I’ve cried myself to sleep
Wishing you were here with me
I’ve asked God to replace
The hole it’s left in me
Well I was never there
Cause you would never beI was never there
Never got to see you play
Never got to hold you close to me
And tell you it’s okI never got to see you fall
And have that chance to lift you up
I’d give my life to put a face to you
One day would be enoughI was never there
Cause you would never be
I’ve cried myself to sleep
Wishing you were here with me
I’ve asked God to replace
The hole it’s left in me
Well I was never there
Cause you would never be – Matthew Poole
I am in the process of making some dreams become reality. I have always wanted to be a standup comic, tell jokes that made people laugh till they cry and love me forever.
I am finally after only 33 years taking some lessons on doing just that.
Writing jokes and a set list is way different than writing a book or even just being funny with friends. There is a real art to it that I’m learning.
It’s a difficult thing to do not only the writing but the performing. A lot of my fear of getting up on stage stemmed from the thought of what if I fail?
What if no one laughs?
Because if that happened then the one thing that has been the pillar on which my entire life up until this point has sat will come crashing down. Hell it’s the only one left standing.
I have always been the funny guy. I was the funny fat kid, the funny drunk, the funny dad, the funny salesman the funny personal trainer. I have always been the funny kid even in my own family of 5 funny kids.
I was the class clown my entire life and I loved it. I love making people laugh because I love to laugh.
Now with the realization that I’m going to get on stage and be funny on command scares the crap out of me.
But really it doesnt. Well, not anymore. Now I know I’m way more than just the funny guy but even if I do bomb on stage it doesnt mean I’m not funny it just means I’m in the process of learning how to be professionally funny.
I know now it’s ok to not be great at something immediately or ever for that matter. I spent years being mediocre at so many things I hated it’s time I spend some time sucking at something I love and who knows maybe I won’t suck. Maybe I’ll be good at it.
No, I’ll probably suck Haha at least for a little while.
That’s cool though, because it’s all a process and I’m in it.
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An infinite of choices swims before me and for some reason making any decision feels impossible.
Instead of enjoying the waves I’ve made it my mission to drink the ocean all at once.
To play, to play in the water wouldn’t that be nice. Instead of calculating the amount I need to consume and transform it into ME before I die.
Because that’s what it is, I want to be the ocean, control and wield it. Become controller over Universe and all.
Instead of just enjoying all the goodies here. Well I know it’s all a game how do I just say ok let’s go back to sleep?
That is a scary thing to do go back to sleep knowing now that I have been asked to wake up.
I believe the program of AA has been put into my life for this very reason. I was in need of waking up. I was, in essence, awake the whole time and I could not reconcile what I was seeing or feeling so I drank to put myself under.
This program of awakening is asking me to not put myself back under to delude myself into believing what the world is telling me is true.
I am to learn to handle all of the world without being put under. Can I sit still when the world is raging around me and find peace in the storm without going back to sleep?
Can I?
I am constantly asking this question because the fear still exists that I won’t survive the world without being asleep to it. I will be killed by what I see and feel. I won’t be able to handle it all. I will choke to death trying to drink the ocean.
But I also see that I am not being required by anyone to do anything. To run anything in affect I am not as important as I liked to believe I was.
Now, what does this mean for me? What does it mean for my life? Here is where I get hung up always. I can’t see how in not trying to attain I will be able to survive. I can not just sit here and expect to receive everything I need, right?
It seems fully counter-intuitive. To have all my needs taken care of by simply being, not taking anything or trying to acquire anything. Because if this worked there wouldn’t be so many starving children and homeless people all around the world.
Yet, the bible tells me not to worry about tomorrow, do not worry about what I will wear or what I will eat, that I will be provided for by God.
This sounds beautiful when put to a lily of the field, but when placed on top of a human being it seems impossible. After all, there are no free lunches or rides.
So what did Jesus mean?
We are all here on this rock some have so much while others have so little or nothing at all. An imbalance so profound that even those in the middle feel that they have a lack.
There is an answer here in the question, What Did Jesus Mean?
Jesus meant the fulfillment of all human potential not only that he was the only child of God but that we are all the child of God, that all we need to do is love and care for one another and not a single one of us will be left for dead.
This seems impossible but now more than ever is it possible. What did all the great teachers of the past show us? Love, Tolerance and being of Service.
However, this has been perverted and extorted to build the wealth of few. They have played a game in which we are all able to take part. It seems some are willing to sell their soul to have more than others.
For if not to increase the well being of humanity, why have so much wealth? How many cars and homes does one person need?
I am not against bettering one’s life. But bettering one’s life simply in the vein to only affect one person’s life is a terrible way to spend eternity. A hell of one.
Find it wholesome or deranged to dig to the center of the earth and find a pit of fire that burns in an attempt to live. Peel away every piece of you that has wrapped you in the veritable cocoon of life waiting for you to find the strength to shed the skin and fly free with a mixture of grace and peace. Dignity and ability beyond the scraps of silk that fall away. Collected by the grub worms that want to build themselves into kings with the disheveling of your life.
Move into the higher level of living above the saplings still dripping with youth and fear of the future.
Disappear into the spinning nothingness that was promised with the infinite sea of eternity.
It’s yours to live in, you are in it now, you are awake to it as soon as you choose to be and you are available to be every bit as holy as the holy one or as awake as the awakened one.
Be what IT is, a human being full of the love for the being and free of the persecution of the Human. Love deeply by going deeper into your own Darkness and seeing the oneness for which we are all here. All sharing in the same sickness and joy of a life meant for experience and peace with one another.
We only exist on the basis of the existence of the other.
Wake up
Stay Awake
And Strive for nothing
Because in nothing exists everything.
Seeking Purpose Today 