My Terminal Diagnosis- #writingcommunity #tuesdaymotivation

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I have thought about this for a while now.  I have tried to come to peace with how to pose this heavy topic.

I have found myself wondering if it is ok to talk about.  I have in essence FOUND myself in this.

It may be hard to read this or to digest this, but I am dying.

It is not something that I have had an easy time accepting.  I did not want it to be true for the longest time.

I thought it so unfair of life.

I would think, “but I just got here, I have so much I want to do. This is not fair.”

In reality, it never seems fair, that the Diagnosis comes to us.  That we are slapped in the face with our mortality in life in so many ways that we forget that we are all dying.

The Diagnosis was given on the day of our birth.  The diagnosis that although we were given an opportunity of life, we were also given the promise of death.

Something none of us want to think about or accept, at least I know I didn’t.

I did not want to believe that one day I would be gone from this plane of existence, and left with what?

Here is what I have discovered through life thus far.

We are all in different degrees of accepting our own mortality, when poverty or sickness, disease or famine is entered into our lives by no fault of our own we think, “WHY ME?”

Why is my life being taken from me?  An understandable response to terrible circumstances.  And I have been trapped in this terrifying thought for most of my life.

However, it was not until my eyes were opened to the truth of our existence and our time here through personal development and service to others that I realized every, single, circumstance, diagnosis, outcome out of my hands that appeared as a curse appearing in my life to take my life was in fact…

Hold on for it.

The Greatest gift, God, the Universe, Life has ever given to me.  In each of the unforeseen circumstances of my life.  Growing up in an alcoholic home, afraid every day, bullied relentlessly for how I looked or how I thought.  Having my child taken from me.  Being caught in addiction to the point of trying to take my own life.

All these circumstances that I perceived as miserable curses of life are in reality the greatest gifts I could have ever been given.  And here is why.

Because I am going to die, like it or not.  What I do with the time given to me is up to me and realizing that I have been given the greatest gift of helping another human being struggling to get through another day because of the Depression they feel.

Helping another human being get through another day despite the battle with alcoholism.

Helping another human being locked in a situation of abuse or fear make it another day.

Helping another human being that has had to deal with losing a child in some way.

Is the greatest thing I can do for my life and the life of those I am in contact with.  It is how we evolve as a species.

We are no longer having to hunt and gather for food and fend of animals from eating us alive.

We are having to overcome the thoughts that I have had my life taken from me because of this situation.

We are overcoming an idea of fear that because I was diagnosed with a disease I can no longer live and I have nothing to give.

When in reality, I now have more to give than ever.  I have hope, I have love, I have strength, that although Death has always been on our heels.  That the idea of a finite existence has always been there I choose to give all of myself to life and none of myself to death.

I have that choice in every single moment and I choose today to give all of my Love: Mind, Heart, and Soul, to life and accept life on life’s terms.

It is the contract I had to sign when I woke up to this physical world.  That one day it would be taken, that one day I would not be here anymore.

I choose now at this moment to believe that every diagnosis that wants to shorten my life is a gift to give more of my life; to LIFE.

In this, I have found an abundance in the Universe that has always been there but that is only now becoming available to me.

It is available to all of us.

Whatever it is that you have been told is taking your life as difficult as it is, try and see what you can give through your experience and not what is being taken from you.

Because there is always someone where you were that is trying to get where you are and the only way we are ever going to grow as a species is by sharing Life with the people who need it most.

 

This was not easy to write and if it bothered you the way I laid it out then It was especially for you.  I hope this Triggers an awakening for the ones that are suffering because of the perception of Life and Death.

Wake up, you are alive, you are important and you have more to give than you ever dreamed possible.

The richness of your life lies in the depth of your sorrow and pain.  The treasure is there for you, use it.

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Transcending The Poverty of Money! #writingcommunity #MondayMotivation

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Many times I struggle with this an idea of success and well-being hinge precariously on the amount of revenue streaming into my bank account or the accruement of goods.

It happens a lot for me, I will be in a blissfully joyful state and not thinking of any reason that my life requires more stuff then I will see IT.  You know what IT is.  The shiny new car.

The big beautiful house.

The big screen tv or the newest pair of shoes.

IT is pervasive. IT is inviting and exciting. IT is all that I want.

But wasn’t I blissfully content only moments ago, now to be locked in mental warfare with the rest of my being and the world because I must discover a way to get IT by any means necessary.

This is my problem and this is where I find my solution.  I am coming to realize more and more that I no longer want to live in the state of “I need that to be happy.”

I am realizing that I have all I need and I am Transcending the poor mentality of money.

You will never be more broke than the broke you feel when you have all the money in the world and you what to put a gun in your mouth to escape everything it has bought you. -M.W.W

I have been there, I have had more than I could have ever dreamed of yet was so bankrupt I wanted it all to end.  Because in seeking IT constantly I find there is no end.

There is never an end to fulfilling the desires of Lust for more.  More of anything. So, I must end it myself either by execution or Transcendence.

I choose Transcendence.

Because in Transcendence I stop grabbing for the money and the things to stick to my husk of a body and build up my external walls.

I stop adding the spoiler, exhaust, and sunroof to the Pinto.

Instead, I become a man of transcendent, intrinsic worth.  I become the man that is not valuable because of what he owns or how much money he makes.  Not by how much I have.

I become valuable by how much I am able to give away.  By how incredibly sturdy my foundation is.  By Moving past the idea of accruing wealth and move into the Idea of Infinite Abundance.

I have all I need.  I have so much of all that I need I am willing to share it with you.  Because I know that there is more.

Not because I have to make more, but because there was never a lack in the first place.  I have just become willing and available to all that is there for me.

I have to continue to become the person of Value by giving IT all away and realizing that IT was never IT in the first place.  That I have been IT all along and I was in search of ME all along.

When I turned from IT and saw ME I became the man I was meant to be.  And I have to work to do this daily.

Because IT and ME look a lot alike, but only I AM able to make the choice, between the worth of the world or the Intrinsic worth of ME.

Disclaimer:  This is my personal belief, feel free to share yours in the comments.

Trent Foster and The Council of 10 #writingcommunity #KDP #KindleUnlimited

pam burns

March 9, 2019

Format: PaperbackVerified Purchase
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J. M. Brister

February 3, 2019

Format: Paperback
Picking up an unfamiliar sci-fi book can be a bit daunting, considering that the genre covers quite a bit. One can go from Isaac Asimov to Douglass Adams and get such a huge variety—anything from hard-core sci-fi to a more softer fantasy angle like Star Wars. I admit that I had no clue what I was getting myself into when I picked up Trent Foster and the Council of 10 by Matt Whiteside. What I ended up with was a fun, humorous adventure with some reflective moments and an ending that give the book a much, much deeper meaning.

Trent Foster is your seemingly average guy. He’s a personal trainer who loves to help and inspire his clients. However, over the past six months, he began to spiral into a deep depression. When he apartment blows up out of the blue, he feels like his life has completely spiraled out of control, resorting to drinking to get by.
What he didn’t plan on, though, was a crazy old man showing up and declaring that Trent was wanted dead by the Council of 10, a group of powerful beings who protect the galaxy. Not only that, but the Council of 10 has directed their Sentinels to destroy Trent. These Sentinels are badass beings with cool powers. Rainjier, the man who came after Trent, is one of them but thinks that the Council has made a mistake. You see, Trent has some awesome powers himself—pretty much unlimited, actually. In fact, he’s more powerful than all the Sentinels thrown at him. However, there are larger forces at work that Trent must defeat when he realizes what the Council ultimately wants to do with the universe.

Trent Foster and the Council of 10 is more of a soft sci-fi mash-up that has humor, action, and some touching moments that will make you pause. During the novel, there are flashbacks to Trent’s past, and the reader gets to have a glimpse of his troubled past. We get to watch as Trent’s power grow and change as well as how he reacts to these new-found abilities. His friends added a lot of charm and humor, while the different Sentinels that appeared had some great action sequences.

The ending completely blew my mind. Suddenly, a book that I thought was a just fun sci-fi romp, turned into something much more. I’ll explain…

I saw a review online of this book that completely missed the point of the book, and it made me sad. Sure, the book is fun science fiction, but it ends up being much more. I highly recommend this book to people who want a cool sci-fi adventure but also to anyone in the recovery community as well. I will also point out that the book does need some editing work. However, I do not think it detracts from the overall story and theme. If you get the chance, I would pick this book up. It might just change your life.

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J. Webb Garrett

March 20, 2019

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Jacob

March 26, 2019

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Lucy Paul

March 19, 2019

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Neon Calico-This Book Is Jazz- Book Review- #writingcommunity

I do a lot of book reviews and every time I read a new book especially one I really enjoy I tend to try and create new profound ways to tell others how incredible the literature I just read really is.

Well, here I am again and trying to come up with words to elicit the emotion and depth of my Love for this book.

All I continue to think is, “My God this is so cool.  This is so Cool.  This is Sooooooo Coooool.  This is Jazz.”

My “Brain-Meat” was plugged into the Matrix and I experienced every twist and turn of our incredible Heroine, Cally… Calico… Meili… Don’t call her the last one.

I felt my cybernetic feet firmly on the ground in this beautifully realized Cyber-Punk Novel about an Augmented woman trying to define what her humanity really means through saving another who would be considered far less than human.

Callie and Pix are a team of “Troubleshooters” a nice term for cyber thieves, along with some other friends that color this beautiful world.  I could smell the sulfur in the air from the pollution of the future.

Callie is a badass Cyborg with more humanity in a strand of her Neon hair than many of the “purebloods” that make up the rest of the world.

The action in this one is so utterly satisfying, the author does a fantastic job of building suspense in a hurry and making you feel like you are in the fight of your life.

Callie is a genuine character that you root for and although bad things continue to crop up in her life, she continues to remain true to her morals, true to her values and shows the heart and character of a true futuristic Anti-hero, Robin hood esque.  If Robin Hood was a female, Bi-sexual, Cyborg, half-caucasian half-Asian, with and a heart of Gold.

Oh, and the Sci-fi was done so well.  The way artificial intelligence was explained along with the description of some other key elements in the futuristic world blew my mind.  It felt both realistic like it was completely plausible for the near future and also fantastical enough that it took my breath away.

If you are a fan of Cool Ass Books and being entertained from beginning to end you will Love Neon Calico.

I know I did, I dreamt about the damn thing hahaha.

Top Marks for this Cyber-Punk Novel.

 

And Don’t Forget to Subscribe to UniWeb Productions On YouTube

The Earth is Flat-Full Stream of Consciousness #writingcommunity Excercise.

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Disclaimer: This is a writing exercise. I know there is a load of mistakes it is meant to show what this writing exercise may look like and it is ok.  Grammar Nazis Please do not comment.  Below this exercise, you will find what I was warming up to.

When in the morning I rise and ask the multitude of life expanding questions that come to my ever changing ever posturizing existence, I have to stop myself as to not drop of the side of the planet and into the voids of the Univers.

Yes the Earth is Flat. I will explain.

This is a free form writing excercise I am doing right now.  I am priming myself for the rest of the day simply by writing all the words that meander into my mind unfiltered to get to a simple and profoud experience.

It is like writing a story with autofill on your phone. I know that words are all there, they are always there. I am prepaired to write down what ever it is that Is in my mind.  Is the world ready to hear the thoughts of a mad man, that believes the world is flat.

I see the horizon for which I run the direction and pondifference of examination in my mind blinds my physical eyes to be seen by a third, translucent eye.

One of unforseen ability and posterity. Of bustuous moxy and fordified latex.

The hammer in the mind of the nail which remains beyond the Universal veil.

What do I mean by this.  Well ofcourse there is a purpose and a rhyme a rythme but in time.

I must find the flow for which I seek to be the hurddle before the creek.  To Make the pass over the flow, I must give in to that rampant tow.

Be willing to sink, to drowned to fight.  To forget to breath as I write.

For the world is flat and my mind is incandecesent with a moment of clarity I find the present.

Enlightened by thought brought to my awarness beluxied by brightness for my Umbrella.  As the hail and the rain pour on my mind from above the earths flatest sky.

Sky of emarld dark green in awe I reach the depths for havertys ball.

I made a decision to work more on this.  I need to write because it is my gift.  Not alone but many I do have one of humor and levity, beyond for frag.

To blow it up I had to do, starting over it happens to you.  Thes words on paper or more than nonsense they are teaching me that even with out intent I can bring something of meaning of purpose and gain.

I can bring something of lasting flavor for those to gain.  Which deminsion do you claim are you a 2d dandelion or 3d mountain goat. The choice is yours but its important to remember we are the things that we focus on.

So be the one you really want and really want what you think you are because choosing wrong is not a choice because wrong does not exist. It is in your faulty thoughts that can take a piss lose yourself and bring it Mrs.

Jones for something for everything or not.  Let the thoughts pour out Judge them not.

They are just thoughts not guns or bombs, they can do no bad they can cause no harm.

You are not writing war or terror or fear you are writing from the tiny little voice you hear.  Write it, Write it, Write man.  Give your life a helping hand.

 


So that was full stream of consciousness writing, No editing just spewing out words on a page.  This is like warming up before exercise.  It may not look great and may feel a bit awkward and weird but it helps to get a lather built up for the intentional part of your writing.

Which is what I am doing know.

So, I made the decision to Stop taking submissions for interviews and book reviews the other day and made the announcement.  It feels good to put a halt to the title wave of scheduling.  It was a bit overwhelming honestly.

I am so grateful for it and so happy that the idea of interviewing people took off the way it did. I am not going to stop interviewing or making videos.  That is not the case.

I am simply taking a breather from scheduling so much right now so I can work on more things that have been placed at the back of the Priority line.

Such as…

Finishing my book.  I wrote 60,000 words in 3 weeks then the interviews started and I haven’t had time or energy to write another word in 3 months.  Well, that is going to change because I love the idea of this book and the characters involved so that shit is going to get done.

Second, I have been putting off getting on stage and doing standup for the first time.  I have put it off so many times because I am terrified of blowing it and then the only thing that I believe to be naturally gifted at, making people laugh, will be lost to me.

Well fuck that, I am going to step into that fear not run from it I know I am funny dammit.  I will be writing and practicing a stand-up routine in the coming weeks.  I will then be performing it live on my YouTube Channel before finding an open Mic to perform at.

Third, I am going to take some acting classes because I have always wanted to act and entertain and I need to work on that craft just as I work on the craft of writing.  It has to be developed and I can no longer sit back and allow other things to get in the way of my own personal development and dreams no matter how much I love doing them.

Fourth, I am going to start auditioning for theater plays.  I am going to start going for it.  You know its one thing to film my self in my room doing the things I want to do.  It is a completely different thing to become part of someone else’s vision and be that for a while.

I must grow or I die.  I must grow or why else am I here. To slowly perish and lose my light.  To be forgotten quickly because I accepted my Lot. To Die the death of a thousand lives is to forget to live for I am alive.

So I will live, I will fail, I will grow and learn, I will succeed after a many turns. I am more than what I currently am I am the future Matt I am the Matt I am.

Seek in Every Situation. You Are The Mountain. (with audio) #writingcommunity #fridayfeeling

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Darkness and light are my favorite ideas to play with in writing because in darkness we are given a void yet we are able to see in the nothingness.

Light shines into the darkness as a representation not only of salvation but also as a way of coloring in the emptiness.

Also Mountains…

We see mountains as massive immovable objects to be climbed and conquered.

We see the mountains in front of us in every form.

The person we want to become, the job we want, the poverty we struggle, the sadness we feel.

The moving of the mountain to get to our final destination to the thing that’s in our hearts to achieve or overcome.

We climb the mountain from its Darkest valleys to reach the Light on the peak.

We are consumed by the idea that the mountain is out there and that the peak is our final destination, that if only we can get to the top or move the mountain out of the way then there my happiness will be found.

I have been struggling with this idea, the idea of the mountain, the idea of faith.

I have come up or repeated multiple metaphors about mountains. Such as…

We are on our way up the mountain and along the way, we find all these incredible treasures.  So, we begin to collect them but before we are half way up the mountain we are overburdened with all the things we have deemed valuable along the way and we have to come to the point of either letting these things go or not climbing any higher.

When in reality all we needed to do was experience and enjoy the treasure at the time we found it for the treasure that it is and continue climbing with the faith that the greatest treasures lie higher up the mountain in more profound meaning than the ones at the base. -Matt Whiteside-

 

I have said that the fact that we realize the mountain is in front of us at all is a blessing.  That we have come out of the mist and the swamp and the mountain appears in front of us as a representation of God and a Higher Purpose.  At least now we can get to higher ground and see. – MW

 

I have said the point of life is not in reaching the Peak of the mountain because there is no peak except the ones that we define for ourselves. The reality is that we are allowed to live and be amongst all the life and incredible bounty on the mountain.  We can experience as much or as little of the heights of it as we want it’s our choice.  Enjoy the fact that you are on the mountain and stop fighting for the peak.  No one lives up there. -MWW

The Mountain Metaphor I have come to most recently is this.

The idea of Faith to move a mountain changes when we realize that WE ARE THE MOUNTAIN.  

The obstacle to overcome was always only ourselves.  The climb to the top was always only climbing to the peak of our own potential.

The mountain of losing that weight.

The mountain of quitting Alcohol or Drugs.

The mountain of getting that job or overcoming our financial insecurity.

The Mountain of finding Love.

The Mountain of finding happiness… and on and on.

Each of these are personal Mountains but the fact remains that the mountain is us and we are spending our lives not overcoming or moving the mountain with some form of God Magic called faith.

We are spending our lives in the delusion that a Mountain exists outside of us.

Coming to realize that I am the Mountain and that having the little faith that I can move myself in the direction of a Destiny beyond any Mountain is freeing.

When I stopped thinking of moving a literal mountain and started thinking of myself as the Mountain the Universe said “Bam, here ya go.  All the energy and freedom you ever needed is now available to you.”

It was simply waiting for me to take the ultimate responsibility for my life.

And that is taking the Position of the Mountain.  A Mountain is Stable and is full of everything anyone could ever require for life.  Fully Abundant in all respects.

Because I am the mountain I can live at the Peak when I want to see the stars or look past the Horizon.

Because I am the mountain I can run in the forest with the others.

Because I am the mountains I can play in the streams and find shelter in the valleys and dark caves.

Because I am the Mountain I can be all things, no longer waiting for another to move me or tell me I am valuable.

Because I am the Mountain, I move my self.

Because I am the Mountain I do not look for sustainability in any other thing but myself.

Be the Mountain, Move yourself, Sustain yourself, Love your self- Peaks and Valleys.

Be the Mountain, Stable and sure-footed, requiring nothing more than what is already available to you.

If you would like to contribute to the Mountain please leave a comment.  But do not litter on the Mountain or you will be banned. Hahaha.  Or I will send a bear to eat you.

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Police Brutality-Guest Blog Matthew Poole #writingcommunity

I feel honored that Matthew allowed me to share this writing on my blog.  It speaks so much to the type of man that he is and to the humanity and heart that he has.  My prayers and my heart go out to you for your loss my friend.  Follow Matthew on facebook@ https://www.facebook.com/authormattpoole and Twitter @https://twitter.com/MdpooleA

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STOP!POLICE!

In case you came here looking for the next graphic exchange between law enforcement and some would be suspect, allow me to explain the very definition of the word “police”.

Verb (used with object), po·liced, po·lic·ing: To  regulate,   control,  or  keep  in  order  by or as if by  means  of  police or: Military . to  clean   and   keep   clean  (a  camp,   post,   etc.)

All of us at times, find ourselves policing our emotions. This is truth not only for police officers, but for the civilians they swore an oath to protect.

In the midst of complete chaos, police officers find themselves calm and collected because they have been trained to not fixate on emotion but to focus on the task at hand and bring about resolution to disorder. Our very lives, others included, depend on us viewing turmoil as information, taking in that information, and committing to actions that will change the situation that is unfolding. This is of little consolation to the peace officer who finds themselves helpless. The same could be said for you.

This last Wednesday I spoke with a man I’ve known for a long time. My wife cleans house for him and his wife as they take care of his aging mother. He advised me that his mother wasn’t doing too well, that she had been very short of breath the last few days, and had to go to the doctor on multiple occasions. My tenure in law enforcement left me knowing that it would not be long before something drastic may happen to his mother.

The next day I stopped by his home where my wife was cleaning. She had my youngest (1 year old) with her, and as she stepped around the corner toward the din where the old woman sat, I grabbed her up so as to not bother her. I could see that she was laboring just to breathe, and I didn’t want her to be disturbed. Normally I would have exchanged greetings and a hug, but this time I did not.

On Friday I was contacted by dispatch and advised that an ambulance had been dispatched to the man’s home for an elderly woman who had fallen. Upon arriving I saw the man kneeling beside his mother, oxygen tubes running to her face, a large cut above her eye. She had passed out and fallen causing her glasses to cut her face. The man told me that she had been unresponsive for at least 3 minutes.  EMS arrived and I cleared a way to allow them access. They took the woman to the hospital. I told the man to call me if he needed anything and left.

I was later called by the man, my father, who told me that my grandmother had passed. I met my father at the hospital where he thanked me for being there and then he went home.

Police officers get real good at policing their emotions, but I’m sure we all have moments where we act in kind.

The truth is I didn’t grab my child, her youngest granddaughter, at the house because I didn’t want her to be disturbed; I grabbed her because the officer in me was telling me to shut off my emotions because this woman was about to die. I should have let her go around and see her. I should have embraced her, but I didn’t.

When she was lying there, no doubt frightened, and the EMS was attending to her as my father gathered her medicine, I should have told her I was there, that she would be ok. But I didn’t. I effectively policed my family because I was in a uniform. I had a job to do.

I do my job and I do it well. I am calm and collected. I help others when they need it. I police effectively. Learning how to let go of control has been hard for me and a journey I’ve been on now for over a year. Friday was just a reminder that I still have work to do.

Don’t let your job or anything else for that matter; regulate your love toward others. -Matthew Poole

Be Willing- Follow the Inspiration. #writingcommunity #WendnesdayMotivation

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We follow a lot of things in life.

We follow the Leader, because well they are the leader.

We follow directions, because well they are directions.

We follow fear to the tune of hiding under our covers.

We follow those that have gone before even when their paths have led to damnation.

We follow a sound into the darkness to see who is there.

We follow Love when it’s bouncing in our face.

and We follow our heart, right?

We follow so many things, yet in some, we fall short.  To follow the inspiration of the whisper in your mind.

The voice that says, that looks fun.  I wanna try that.

Or the one that says “I can do that, that looks easy.”

Do we follow the voice of the whispering one?

Maybe the one that put us here.

I know that the voice that I follow now used to be a whisper.

It used to say, “Matt, don’t drink today, it’s going to get better.”

I used to drink the voice away, I used to not listen to a word it would say.

I am done with that now, I listen to the voice inside the one that asks me to help a friend.

The voice that says to start writing, and publish “The 10.”

The voice that said, just get started put one foot in front of the other and shut off your brain.

I spent so much time in utter fear and turmoil not listening to the voice of inspiration.  So much time wasted on how terrified and scary life was.

I realize now that everything I ever needed in my life was already available to me.  It had been whispering to me all these years.

Telling me to get up, write that book. Tell that joke, make that sale.  Take on that project.  Learn that thing.  Love that person. Put down the bottle and pick up life.

It was always available to me just like it is available to you.

The difference, I am sure of it now, between successful people and miserable people is that successful people follow that little voice and follow through on what it is telling them to do.

They do not focus on the screaming fear but the whispering of victory.  The one that says you can run a little bit farther. You can love a little bit deeper.  You can learn a little bit better, and you can live a little bit fuller.

So, I ask you.  When you are alone and the outside noises stop and you hear that whisper to sing that song, tell that joke, to write that book or make that movie.

Listen to that voice and take one step in the direction of accomplishing that dream.  Because it will always only be a dream until you decide to make it a reality.

The power is yours, it always has been and always will be.

Decide and act.

You deserve the life that is whispering to you.

the power is yours

Masquerade- Guest Blog by Matthew Brown- #writingcommunity

So today I am joined by the extremely talented Matthew Brown.  He is currently working on an Epic Fantasy Novel where he has created his own language and world to play in.  I interviewed Matt a little over a month ago and I was blown away then by his incredible storytelling ability.  He also has a fantastic blog here please check out the free Story Valkyrie that he is writing along with his other Motivational and Inspirational writings and follow him on Twitter @matbrown012  In case you missed our interview it will be linked below his Blog post.  Thank you for sharing this Matthew- Enjoy world.

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The ballroom was filled with music, dance, and wine along with every kind of food from which one could dine. She surveyed the scene so beautiful and grand, seeing all manner of costumes and masks from all over the land.

Each mask was different and unique, with matching costumes fitting to form and flattering every physique. It was spectacular and enchanting, all of it arrayed in such perfection, even more so when she saw her own reflection.

The gown she wore was breathtaking and bright, her golden mask gleaming in the light. Smiling to herself, pleased by what she saw, the girl then turned, noting the onlookers gazing at her in awe.

There was one who seemed different from the rest, one who was very differently dressed. He was tall and handsome, yet plain, but his attire and character she could not ascertain.

He seemed familiar, she did not know how. Each time he saw her he would smile and give a slight bow. There was elegance and a gentlemanly demeanor about him that she could not deny, but still, she could not place him no matter how hard she did try.

The costume and character he seemed to portray made no mark and appeared to have little to say. Its colors were neither vibrant nor pristine, but still held an allure leaving her wondering what it could mean. He carried himself in a way that said something more but still, left her confused and unsure.

Her heart pondered it briefly for a time, at least until she found herself stepping to the music, following its rhythmic rhyme. There were many that came forward to take her hand, asking to dance in the ballroom grand.

Some, she would accept, while others decline, and for them, she cared little or did mind. Only the best would simply do, even if the best in their costumes seemed somehow untrue.  Their masks were lovely and captivating, that she could easily see, but they didn’t act like who they appeared to be. With each one she danced, though the time with her partners was brief, and at their parting, she felt a small sense of relief.

There was the one who wore a mask like a raven’s so dark and black, whose smile hid the sincerity he lacked. He was witty, sharp and seemingly pure, but there was something underneath that left her uncertain and unsure.

His words were crisp, fresh and cool, but eventually, he showed himself to be the fool. He would say much, but give little in return, his heart shallow ever unable to learn.

He was loved and liked by many in the ballroom grand, but there were whom he could not stand. It was the man she had pondered, looking so plain, the raven mask held him in great disdain. He would murmur and whisper to any passerby, telling them things she knew were untrue and an outright lie.

Then there was the wolf, so charming and grand, but even he seemed to hold another in his hand. He would wander from partner to partner without concern or care, leaving only disappointment and despair. True, he seemed kind, charming and nice, but dancing with him always seemed to have a price.

It didn’t matter if he held one hand or two, but even he showed something that was untrue. He was confident and that was appealing, but there too she saw something that he wasn’t revealing. Like the raven, he had a smile that seemed happy and true, but something told her there was something known to a tiny few.

He also seemed to hate the man dressed so lovely and plain, holding him in great disdain. The wolf would often stare almost jealously, as the man seemed to be loved by not one, but two maybe even three. It didn’t matter where the man stepped for his presence was known, even to the wolf was great kindness shown. The wolf simply scowled and took his leave, his partners keeping a tight hold of his sleeve.

Then came the jester so full of life and glee, his happiness plain and easy to see. His dancing was lively but seemed always out of step. He couldn’t keep the rhythm or move in time with the beat, often stepping on other’s toes and forcing them to take a seat.

His jokes were funny and a delight, but secretly saw they were made in poor taste and out of spite. As a partner, he was intolerable and trite. His attention seemed focused only on himself and was quick to put any other topic quickly back on the shelf.

She was happy to see him go and had even encouraged him to leave. He being self-focused was only happy to give her a reprieve. Like the wolf and the raven before, the handsome man the jester did not adore. He often made jokes, making it a point to offend, all the while pretending to be the man’s true friend. The handsome man, simply smiled ever gracious and kind, he didn’t even appear to mind.

For hours she danced with each partner failing to be what she expected, all the while not noticing her steps were being directed. And when the last hand did extend, she saw it was the handsome man that so many seemed to offend.

At first, she froze not knowing what to do, hesitantly pondering if this was yet another dance that would be deceitful and untrue. His warm smile appeared to say something more, but of the character he portrayed she was still unsure.

The handsome man was familiar though still, she did not know why. She strained to place him, but nothing clicked no matter how hard she tried. Hesitantly she took his hand in hers and they danced throughout the ballroom grand, danced as she felt herself hold him more tightly in her hands.

It was a dance like no other, a dance that she would not leave for another. She could not imagine anything more grand than being with the handsome man, dancing in the ballroom grand.

Then the clock sounded, each ring echoing into the night. It was a sound that filled her with a terrible fright. The time had come for the grand reveal, a time when the masks would fall and she would see what was real.

The handsome man she had danced with so long into the night, a dance so wondrous and full of delight, stepped onto the large stage at the end of the room. All eyes on him, their anger in full fume.

 

“Welcome, welcome one and all, welcome to my grand ball. Now is the hour and time that you have waited to see, now is the hour when you will know me. I say remove your masks, and give your names true. I say, show everyone the real you.”

One by one she saw them hang their heads, eyes full of shame. None of them were willing to step up and give their name. No masks came off or costume to show what was true, none willing, not even a few.

Then her eyes were opened and she knew who the handsome man was and what was true. She had always known him but did not remember why and soon after she began to cry. He had never worn a costume or mask to hide his face; he was what she saw, and in him, deceit had no place.- Matthew Brown

 

Happy Birthday, Sherrie-My Love, Isn’t Life Wonderful

It’s one of those miracles of life that the things that look like our darkest moments can somehow be the exact thing we need to find the light.  The song is for you because you love uplifting music ;).

Your Birthday is tomorrow and I am sitting here trying to write you a love note and as I write you are talking to me about what you are reading.

Like when I brush my teeth, all the important things you ever wanted to say to me immediately come to your mind.

I am uncertain how to adequately represent to you how much you mean to me so I will try a poem.  I think Poems were made for this sort of thing. Here it goes

Sherrie,

Isn’t life Wonderful?  We were a mistake, an unbridled bad accident that should have never happened.

Isn’t life Wonderful, the way all the worst things we ever thought we could do can be turned into our greatest salvation?

Isn’t life Wonderful, that the prisons we lock ourselves in are really the open fields waiting to be explored.

Isn’t life Wonderful, that the darkest despair we could ever know becomes the most beautiful sun-drenched beach to dig our toes into the sand.

Isn’t life Wonderful, when we look around at the mess we made and realize we are staring at the greatest treasure we could have ever asked for?

Isn’t life Wonderful, that when I am so far down you seem to be way up.

Isn’t life Wonderful, that when you seem lost, I have the light on for you.

Isn’t life Wonderful, that less than a year ago we couldn’t draw a sober breath and thought we were past dead?

Isn’t life Wonderful, that everything we thought we knew was wrong, and we are still somehow alive.

Isn’t life Wonderful, that I met you and you asked for my phone number ;)?

Isn’t it Wonderful, how no matter how scared we were in those early days we held each other’s hand and walked into the room together?

Isn’t it Wonderful that all the fears we thought would be our end turned into the life we truly wanted?

Isn’t it Wonderful that We can wake up each morning in love and full of gratitude?

Isn’t it Wonderful that our lives didn’t work out the way we wanted?

Isn’t it Wonderful that I Love you?

Because you are Wonderful and no matter the unease the disease the misguided wishes and fear.

No matter how long it takes…

No matter how dark it gets…

No matter the monster…

You are such a beautiful part of my life, I love you more than I think I have ever known how to love anyone before.

You inspire me every day, you lift me up, you are stronger than I think you know.

You remind me what miracles look like with the faith you move with each day.

I know it’s not always easy or even fun and sometimes you want to give up, yet you find the courage and the strength to move forward.

To love deeper, to open yourself to a more profound understanding of life and what it means to be human.

To find out what it means to live in your gift.

Sherrie, you are so magnificently gifted and I know every dream every deep desire that was placed inside you by God will come to fruition.

I can see the light in you more than most, and it has me trembling with joy.

You are full of life and laughter and I couldn’t ask for more in a partner.

I love you fully.

A Happy Birthday to you, but you are a gift to me.

smiling woman wearing grey hijab headscarf and holding pink and blue balloons
Photo by mostafa sannad on Pexels.com

Hahahahahahahhahahaha You are amazing.