Re uploaded audio fixed
Watch “Random AS FUXZZ Medium” on YouTube
I practiced some jokes and just talked in circles. Enjoy.
Watch “Dead Heart 3and 4 Medium” on YouTube
Watch me be weird. It’s really fun promise.
Life Hack: Overcoming Anxiety-AIR

I would tremble and shake. I would well up with tears. Hell, I would just go right ahead and cry sometimes, in front of everyone watching. I would panic and think I was dying running back to a dark corner of my room to hide from the scary world and all its terrors.
I have suffered from panic attacks and high levels of social anxiety for most of my life. I do not remember exactly when the fear jumped into my life and put me in a straight jacket; I only remember sitting down to eat lunch one day when I was in 1st grade and an older child maybe a 3rd grader said hi and asked what I was doing at their lunch period.
What a jerk! Am I right? What kind of question is that to ask a 6-year-old. I don’t have any freaking clue what I am doing anywhere, let alone at this specific lunch table. As I remember I had just left the principals office for some…uh…mental testing to see if I was an idiot or not. Haha.
I remember it was a Friday as well because I had a fresh piece of rectangle pizza on my styrofoam tray. I was excited to eat that cheesy goodness. Until, “What are you doing at this lunch period, buddy?” The nice 3rd grader asked me with a smile.
Fear punched me with the hammer of death straight into my chest. As all the air exploded from my lungs, my eyes began to fill with tears, and my face turned bright red. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, I thought I was going to die.
So, I stood up, leaving my delicious morsel of pizza left uneaten, and ran for my freaking life out of that cafeteria. I can only imagine what the kid that asked me the question must have thought.
Anyway, that was my first experience with anxiety and its terrifying nature. Unfortunately, I have spent the remainder of my life battling it. I played sports and would pass out almost every day on the practice field after practice from hyperventalating, hahaha, how ridiculous. My anxiety was kicking my butt, hard.
So, let’s get down to how I have overcome this debilitating malfunction of a natural occurrence. That is why you are reading this, right?
Air- The very foundation of life for us human being type creatures. Without air, we would be royalie screwed.
So, why is it that when we need air the most, it feels like it is the least available to us?
This question has bothered me for a long time. You see, it is part of a natural survival instinct for all of us, known as Fight or Flight.
Don’t quit here because you know all about fight or flight hang on a sec. Because I want to show you how to use this response to your advantage.
Fight or Flight- A threat appears, adrenaline courses through our body, strengthening our muscles and our senses. Our heart rate increases to help with blood flow as does our rate of oxygen consumption.
Here is the problem, we don’t have to fight anymore we are living in very peaceful, Kumbaya-esque type world, atleast the vast majority of us.
So, instead of using this massive adrenaline dump to go soaring into battle, or running in very valiant terror away from it, we kind of just stand in place our body ready to explode with anxiety.
First Hack to overcoming the Fight induced Anxiety:
Exercise- HA! do you hate me for saying it? Oh well, that is ok because it works. Our bodies need to be able to manage the massive amounts of adrenaline produced by perceived fears and exercise is the best way. And the real masterful part of it is this-
When you are excercising, you are training your most fundamental resource for your life, your air. When I work out breathing is really difficult, like I’m talking people call me Little Wheezy in the gym. Lol, bad joke.
But, it is so crucial for times we have perceived or as I call them active Threats that produce The Fight or Flight response.
When we practice not passing out and breathing calmly and with intention while exercising the next time your boss tells you-you’re an idiot and you want to punch Him/Her in the face. You will find that the anxiety of the whole situation has become much more manageable.
You can breathe through this adrenaline dump, knowing you can punch that big heavy punching bag later at the gym. It will also allow you to control your temper when you do respond so that you are not a raging monster or a terrified turtle.
You will be able to respond to your boss and let them graciously know that you appreciate their constructive criticism and go on about your day.
The response that doesn’t get talked about as much is the Freeze-
If you are like me; you gave up a long time ago running or fighting instead you opted just to stand there, eyes wide, mouth hanging open, unable to breathe or think as the terror grips you.
Freezing is common in today’s world- because we aren’t allowed to go running around punching people or running screaming down the street at a scary thought we had. We would get locked up.
Overcoming The Freeze as I like to call it, changed my Life- It again starts with The foundation for our lives
Air– A passive approach: answer this- The last time you had a panic attack did you have control of your breathing?
If you have ever had a panic attack, you would know that this is a stupid question. You simply can’t breathe when you are having a panic attack; it’s why we are FREAKING PANICKING!!!
Ok… Ok… Calm down-Breathe 🙂 How many of you ever intentionally take time to focus solely on your breath?
Intentionally breathing is what changed me from being a panicky, crying, shaking hermit, to a person who speaks in front of people every day and leads groups of people.
Are you ready for the secret to overcoming your anxiety- it worked for me.
Here it is—
Meditation- What a beautiful thing.
The practice of sitting still and focusing on breathing, or other things, but for this case breathing.
Ever since I have incorporated the intentional practice of focusing on my breathing, remember air is my life force, and I get it from breathing, my life has transformed.
I hope this doesn’t scare you off because you don’t have a mountain top or a tree to sit under. Meditation is very simple.
Start with one minute, eyes closed and just count your breaths 1…inhale…2…exhale…3…inhale…4…exhale.
Count slow, relax into it. It took me a while but now I meditate every day for at least 20 minutes a day.
And here is why Meditation helps. Everything we do is practice for those moments in life where stuff hits the fan, and we really need to show up. When the stakes are high, and it’s all up to us.
If I practice breathing like a Champion when everything is safe and fine, and the world isn’t on fire. Then, when the world does go up in flames, I can remember that I know how to breathe.
I know that I am in control of my breath and that there is plenty of air all around me.
I just have to focus on letting the air in.
Believe me; your body wants to breathe. Don’t fight it, allow it to breathe. For some of us, it takes a lot of practice to allow our selves to breathe, but that’s okay if you were like me you have plenty of time sitting alone in a dark room to work on it.
It is a practice I do every day, because I need a lot of help, haha. My mind likes to play tricks on me, so I have to learn to practice controlling the thing that seems so out of my control when the anxiety hits.
I hope that you find time to focus on the sweet breath of life today. Because I know that the next time anxiety hits, you will be a little more prepared to deal with it. I know I am, and it has made a world of difference in my life.
Have a wonderful day-Full of Air and maybe rectangle Pizza 🙂
Watch “Chapter 2 Dead Heart Medium” on YouTube
The story continues enjoy.
Planting a Seed: A Fist Full of Humble

Oh, baby! I am on fire this week. I am lit up like a Christmas tree, and things are going great. All those doors in front of me the ones that only months ago seemed to be closed tight, locked and bared are beginning to open.
The small steps I took months ago to change my life are starting to blossom into amazing, beautiful flowers in my life.
Like this blog for example:
This blog started around five months ago because I wanted to be able to say that I had published some of my short stories. I had no freaking clue, that would lead to the massive explosion in creative energy and life-changing awesomeness that it has.
I swear it is nothing short of a miracle how publishing three short stories riddled with mistakes on a blog that no one read would lead to, writing 2 books, I am 200 pages into my 3rd.
My first book hit #1 on Amazon bestsellers list for a period of time. I have made 1000’s of connections with other writers and creators here in the blogging world and on Twitter and Facebook. I met one of my favorite Author’s Jen Sincero #1 Bestselling Author of You are A Badass and gave her a copy of my book.
And just yesterday I did another one of those little footstep things, that scared the hell out of me for a long time, but once I did it, I felt the immediate joy of taking the leap.
I started a Youtube channel where I will be working on a number of different things from practicing standup and motivational speaking to reading from my books and hopefully talking with other creators around the world. I am genuinely excited about the direction I am heading.
However, it is only possible because I make the decision every morning to seek humility and humbling my self rather than seeking out how I can be better than another person.
I am terrified of failing, I think I always will be, but I realize now that I can fail and look stupid or not be perfect and get back up and try again. I am no longer coming from a mindset of: “If I don’t do this thing perfectly I won’t do it.”
That is just so unrealistic; I have to be willing to stick my neck out there and say “hey look at me I am jumping,” if I am going to reach the goals I have for myself. My Fear of looking stupid or failing has kept me from so much joy in my life. It has kept me locked away in a prison of shame.
Well, no more. As long as I go after each day saying, “I don’t know that I will be the best at this or that it will even be any good. But, I do know that it is something I really want to do. So, I will do it anyway, and deal with the consequences of taking the lumps of learning and getting better.”
Because that is the only way I know to grow. I can not be a better writer if I don’t write. I can not be a better public speaker if I don’t speak in public. I can’t be really good at stand up comedy if I have never stood up and told jokes.
I talk about this a lot but, the act of doing the dang thing that you want to do regardless of who is watching or how uncomfortable it makes you, its so powerful in moving you closer to your dream.
Doing things like sitting down at my kitchen table and creating a blog with my three short stories on it and posting it for the world to see. At the time the blog to me was a mountain to move even if to others it seemed like small potatoes. I had no frame of reference and I didn’t have any clue what it would turn into. I know that I had dreams of my blog being a massive success and inspiring others, and it has to an extent, even if this blog only helps one person than it was worth it a million times over.
I don’t know which seed I plant will explode and grow with new life and incredible opportunities.
I do know that all the seeds I leave in my pockets will only collect lent and never blossom to be what they were meant to be.
Plant the seeds you are holding on to. Punch that fear in the Face and Plant that seed. Water every day, give it love and sunlight. Remember, to humble yourself in the process, because life will surely come along and try and humiliate me. But if I am already seeking humility the sting won’t linger, the blow won’t last, and I will be able to move forward into a beautiful garden of life.
I hope you go for it today if you are afraid of looking stupid watch my Youtube video and remember that I am willing to look silly and in that you will always have a friend in me.
Have a great day.
Watch “Chapter 1 Dead Heart Medium 1” on YouTube

I did my first Youtube video: check it out. I am learning the editing software so it’s a bit messy but fun all the same.
Heaven or Hell: Where To Buck-a-Roo?

Billboards are cool, right? Super fun, obnoxious signs meant to grab your attention and persuade your thinking. Kind of Like the title of this blog. What does it mean? Are Heaven and Hell even real places? What is a Buck-a-roo?
These are all excellent questions, and I am so glad you asked them and it wasn’t me just making them up. Since you asked, I will do my best to answer. Here is where the Heaven and Hell tagline came from.
On The Highway of Life
So, twice a month I drive up to Tennesse from Atlanta and on the way home I drive down I75south. On this stretch of highway lie many a great billboard, but one stuck out to me yesterday, and it is one that I have seen hundreds of times before. However, this time something clicked for me, and I would like to share it. With the hope that it may resonate for you as well.
The Billboard read: “Do You Know Where You Are Going?” and underneath this was a picture of Heaven full of lights and clouds and an all around good time, and to the right was a picture of Hell in all its firery damnation and scariness.
Like I said I had seen this billboard hundreds of times before, and all those times I would think, “These religious people that pay for this nonsense are crazy. Using fear of Hell to force people to their way of thinking is cruel and not the right way.” But this day something happened, I looked at the billboard with new eyes and without judgment and thought, “hmmm, maybe there is some merit in this question.”
As it turns out there is, for me at least.
The ideas of Heaven and Hell have scared me since I was a child, thinking that I didn’t know of either place and I was unsure if I was qualified for the good one. So, I felt like I was always fighting to earn a spot in Heaven and that Hell was a much more realistic option for my poor, imperfect, messed up soul.
Heaven seemed like a place reserved for the best of people, the Mother Teresa’s, Martin Luther King’s, Gandhi, and other very noble people.
It appeared that the Pope and his crew were the only ones qualified to get into this Kingdom of God, and that Hell was the place for me.
What a crappy way of thinking. It wasn’t until I grew up and experienced Hell on Earth that I realized that both Heaven and Hell are available to me right now, in this moment.
Stick with me.
I spent years in a personal Hell of isolation, Alcoholism, drug addiction, and self-harm. I was tormented every day by personal demons that attacked me and wouldn’t let me sleep. I was so terrified of Life that I would stand and stare out my bedroom window and cry because the thought of leaving my Hell prison would make me violently sick and I would need to drink to the point of blackout, to stop the voices and fear.
You can say, “that isn’t Hell Matt, that is just depression and being a drunk.” Well, I will tell you something, it is as close to Hell as I ever want to come, and who is to say what Heaven or Hell truly is. Have you been? Did you take pictures? What was the weather like?
See, here is the thing. Heaven and Hell are incredibly personal things, and I didn’t realize that I was choosing to live in Hell every day until, I was Living in my own personal Hell.
The fact of the matter is we all have a choice. That billboard reminded me of that choice, and maybe that is why it was there.
I can choose today to live in a lifetime in Heaven, meaning choosing Love, Honesty, Friendship, Community, Inspiration, Service, Faith, Humility, Abundance, Joy, and a number of other characteristics that indicate a Heavenly existence for me right now.
Or
I can choose, Judgement, Fear, Hate, Pain, Intolerance, Jealousy, Envy, Lack, Laziness, and a number of other Hellish characteristics to live in each day. Take it from a man that chose wrong for a very long time. Stop chosing Hell. I picked Hell for a long time until I realized I had a choice. And you do too.
The question of, “Do you know where you are going,” is a good one in my opinion, and here is why.
If God or whoever you believed in showed up today and said, “Times up Buck-a-Roo.” Would you say, “awesome let’s go to Heaven” or would you say, “crap I hope God lets me into heaven.”
Because I think God would give us that which we have chosen to live in on earth.
Meaning, if I have chosen to be a hateful, judgmental, selfish, intolerant person, why wouldn’t God say, “Well it looks like you really enjoyed Hell here on Earth with the time I gave you. You wouldn’t want to spend an Eternity in Heaven with me. Off you go to the place you chose and love so much.”
I think God gives us an opportunity in every moment to either choose Heaven or Hell right now. We can make that decision; I know this for a fact now. Because I am no longer in Hell, but living a life I never dreamed possible. But, it is a choice every day, and God knows we are imperfect and sometimes we choose Hell over Heaven because we think we are smart and, hey Hell has some lovely beaches.
But, the gift is that God will allow us at any moment in our life to begin to choose Heaven. You can decide right now to live in an eternal paradise on Earth. It doesn’t have to do with Christianity or Hinduism or Muslim or Jewdisim. It has to do with you and the choice you make.
Ask yourself, are you happy with your life? Are you surrounded by love or fear? What can you do to make your life a beautiful life today?
The answers are out there. A happy, joyous and free life is available to you right now. You don’t have to wait until you die and then cross your fingers that you get into Heaven. Choose the Heaven you want right now and live in that beautiful, magical realm, of lucky charms and Unicorn farts.
Just make a choice, decide where you want to spend eternity and start spending the time you know you have right now in it. I promise, you will never have to question or be afraid about where you are going when you die, because you will have spent a lifetime in Heaven on earth.
And that is my Truth. Thanks for reading.
Who Say’s You Can’t?

When was the last time you were told “No” to something you really wanted out of life? Who told you no? Did it stop you?
I have spent my life being laughed at, looked at sideways, and told that it wouldn’t happen or it can’t happen. “You’re too fat; you’re too stupid, you don’t have what it takes to open that business or write that book. You will never make it to college or through college. No one is going to give you a scholarship to play football. Not everyone is meant to be a millionaire Matt. Not everyone gets to enjoy the work they do every day, work isn’t supposed to be fun.” And all the other crap I have been told about growing up.
Get a real job. What the hell does that mean? So, it’s only a real job if I am miserable every day and I have to answer to some person whose mood dictates the state of my day and lively hood.
Screw that.
Someone telling me I can’t do something has always been great fuel for my fire to move me forward. I have always been inclined to prove others wrong, defiant of their ideas of what I was capable of.
Personal story: As a kid I was extremely overweight and not the best student. This led to alot of teachers and other people pingeon holing me into the category of special needs. I was tested multiple times for some sort of mental retardation. Which, writing it now seems really strange, but there yeah go.
The reality was, that, at home I was 1 of 5 children growing up in an abusive alcoholic house where everyone was scared and unsure of what to do. We were all in survival mode and for me that meant complete and utter mental shut down. I ate my feelings, anything and everything I could find. I was fat and “stupid” now but in reality I was terrified. I was bullied and picked on at school for the clothes I wore, because we were poor, and the fact that I was 100lbs heavier and a foot taller than all the other kids in my class.
At home it was just as bad, everyone receded into their hiding places when they got home for fear of being seen. Leaving 7yr-old me to fend for myself and search for love in food and television. It sucked, and it was no ones fault, we were all trying our best. But, this led to alot of challenges, alot of people that wanted to tell me “No” in my life. It was frustrating at first and I would say, “ok, fine, I won’t try”. But, as I grew older and stronger, and starting playing sports I began taking responsibilty for my own life, things began to shift.
All those “No’s” starting to become “Maybe’s” and I was able to move forward a little further, then a little more. Until, eventually the “No” became a “Yes.”
This worked great for quite a while, then it stopped working. The people who had picked on me and tormented me were gone now and I had lots of love in my life. People weren’t telling me “No” anymore, they were saying, “go for it.”
This is where my life snagged.
I had become so dependent on defiance, and others doubt to fuel me, that when it was gone I was left with my own thoughts, and the person I had defiantly become.
Unfortunatley, it was not the person I wanted to be. I didn’t want to be a football player or a Salesman. Money was not attractive to me in the sense that I had to have it by any means necessary. I was 28 and all the work I had done to change my life had now all but seemed meaning less.
I was unhappy and miserable, and noone was picking on me or telling me I couldn’t do something. It wasn’t until I got quiet and heard my inner voice, the one that is always talking. It was scary at first, I hadn’t ever really listened to him or thought I was atleast. But, he had been directing all my moves. He was the one saying “No” now, my subconcious was now my greatest detractor. I was bullying and terrorizing myself to the point of wanting to give up on life.
That voice inside was telling me, “you have to work harder in the gym show everyone you’re not fat anymore; you have to have the corporate job, house and two cars show everyone you are not stupid anymore.”
The voice was proding me along everyday, saying “Your no good, your to lazy, fat and stupid. You deserve to suffer, you deserve to be miserable.” It was like I had adopted all the voices of the people from my youth and turned them into a horrible monster to live in my head.
I had to break the curse, and thank God I have. I break it everyday.
Let me tie this up here. So in the beginning I asked, if you have been told no in your life? Are you allowing people to stop you from what you want to do?
I am writing this to tell everyone that, doing what you want, having what you want, and being what you want in life has absolutely nothing to do with anyone but you.
Once I realized the only person that was stopping me was me and if I changed my inner voice of defiance and doubt to love and growth then my world changed.
I don’t give two handsome donkey turds If a publisher, litterary agent, parent, friend or the freaking Pope tells me they don’t think what I am doing is right or that I will fail. I really don’t, and I hope you won’t either.
Because, as long as the voice inside me has ceased the war with myself, I can conquer any battle and move forward into a free and wonderful life.
The greatest enemy we face is not outside of us, it is not another person. The greatest enemy we face resides in all of us, trying to tear us apart. I have to come to peace with that demon in me that wants to watch me suffer. Because once I do the world opens up to me and there is absolutely nothing I can’t accomplish. – Rhett Smiley.
Go after what ever it is you want, no matter how big and crazy your dream sounds to other’s or even to you sometimes. It is YOUR dream, given only to you, and only you can bring it to life. So, choose life. Choose to hear the “Yes” in your life.
You can have whatever you want out of life, have the courage to ignore all the no’s and come live your dream.
I am, and it is so much freaking, speaking, deaking better. Thank God.
Have a good day.
My Keys to Happiness: They are the only way;)

So, you want to know how to be happier and feel freer than you ever have? Great you came to the right freaking blog. Because so do I. I have found myself slipping in and out of the happy joyous and free state a lot lately and through much introspection, reading, writing, praying, meditating, and talking with friends, I have come to a sort of conclusion.
Forest Gump levels of success and happiness.
1. Keep it simple: it was never complicated, to begin with. Stop making it so complicated.
2. Focus on one thing at a time: I am not a mutant being with the power of splitting myself in 2s, 3s, or 4s. I only have the one me and the one mind. Put all of your little heart, mind, body, and soul into the problem at hand and watch it be eviscerated.
3. Everything is going to be ok: Acceptance of people, places and things just as they are is key to unblocking me from the joyful person I can be. I have no control over the weather, other peoples thoughts or actions and a multitude of other things. Allow yourself to be happy by accepting what is.
4. Focus on what you can control: This should be obvious, but it’s not. I can’t drive my car and everyone else at the same time. Focus on staying in your lane and be vigilant of bad drivers. Keep your distance; it’s all you can do.
5. Smile: You don’t own all the worlds problems. And if I really look around and humble myself, I have a plethora of things in my life to smile about.
6. Its ok to be sad or angry or whatever negative emotion you are feeling: It is not ok to live in those feelings and become those things for the rest of your life.
7. Pain is Inevitable, but suffering is a choice: allow time and forgiveness to heal the hurts in your life. Time takes time if I broke my arm today, I wouldn’t expect it to feel better tomorrow. Allow the time to heal from pain bit do not hold onto by rebreaking the arm over and over again.
That’s it you should be happy now. If your not, it’s not my fault bits yours, haha. Oh bonus
Bonus thingy: take full responsibility for your life. Even if bad things happened to you and it wasn’t your fault l, it is still your job to make a good life out of it. I can’t make a good life for myself by pointing my finger and blaming someone else for my unhappiness. My happiness is my responsibility; no one else.
Ok, that’s it. Now go be awesome humans. I am going to be the best father, son, friend, and brother I can be today. Love, peace and chicken grease.
