So, I found this guy on twitter and my god he may be the funniest human I have ever encountered. Please check out the link below. hahah
Are You Willing To Suck?
Hello there, my name is Matt. I am in a state of upheaval and chaotic mental insanity. What’s your name?
Last night after all my praying an meditating, my meetings and writing. After all the talking and work I had done spiritually, I wanted to lose my mind. I wanted it to just poof and disappear for a bit while I sucked so hard at something.
I started a new job last night and it was chaotic not just for me but for all those involved, it was a real wild night and my head was spinning.
Multiple times during the night I thought “nope, no way this is not for me. I can just be homeless or live in the woods or something.”
Seriously, It was pretty rough. But it was not honestly that bad what made it suck so much was my lack of skills for the tasks required at the speed that was being asked to carry them out.
I was simply not up to the task and that did not feel good at all. I felt so lousy about my self when I was done, I came home ate something and fell asleep without really speaking to anyone.
No one likes to feel like they suck at anything at least I don’t, my precious ego hates it. But damn it if it’s not absolutely necessary for my growth.
I have to be willing to suck at things to grow, If I allow myself to feel shame for not being perfect the first time I do something then I might as well just hang it up and call it a life because I will never attempt another thing again.
The reality is I am fine, last night was fine. No one but ME (my ego) expected ME (my ego) to be perfect. They all thought I did a great job in the chaos of the night.
But I can allow my own mind to get trapped in a mental quicksand and begin to believe that because it was difficult and I sucked at it the first time then I will never be any good.
I know that is not true. What is true of everything I have ever done in my life is that it takes time to learn and grow to be better.
When I was a kid it took me a while to learn how to read and write, I couldn’t do it at all for the longest time or so it seemed. Now I am amazing at reading and writing, especially Wrighting (I spelled that how I wanted damn it).
Or learning to ride a bike or hitting a baseball or driving a car or using a computer or breakdancing or chicken fighting, etc…
Whatever it is that I do in my life now without a second thought was once an impossible suck on this shit kind of hard. It is just the way we are as humans, skills take time to acquire.
Sometimes, I get so into my feelings I allow them to pull me down and keep me down. Well, I ain’t about that life no more.
I am willing to suck and suck and suck until I don’t suck any more or until I get fired, haha which I have never been fired from a job fun fact, but I can no longer pretend like I am the best at everything.
Part of living an honest life is staying honest with my self without condemning who I am. I am a new person each day and each moment as I grow.
If I am not willing to suck then I am not willing to grow and if I do not grow I am only existing and waiting to be buried.
That kind of life sucks harder than sucking hard, trust me I tried it. I hid from the world and the challenges of life for way too long and it was hell on earth.
While misery was absolutely present last night I know it was the pain of growing and not the pain of dying.
So, Suck my friends Suck on your life, suck at your life, suck it until you don’t suck at it anymore and then enjoy as you help other suckers suck their way to the top.
LOL… that was great.
What do you suck at? Have you ever done something that you sucked at so bad you quit immediately? Do you regret quitting that sucky thing?
Stupid Ideas
Success and failure, when did they become so mind altering? In the same vein, when did figuring out who I am, become so difficult?
The complexities with which I presume to see the world are really just egotistical arrogance based in believing my sensory perception to be the all knowing all seeing Eye.
I see other people that are living exciting fulfilled lives and think, what is the common denominator here? My perception always tells me money, because that is what I see, I see the result.
When in reality what is really happening is these people with all these great results have these things because of being who they are. They have a well-defined idea of themselves whether I believe it is right or wrong doesn’t matter.
The truth is as a culture we idolize those that are rich and famous because they are doing something we are so afraid to do. Which is put themselves out there for the entire world to see? The good and the bad.
Then what I fool myself into believing is that I need to be just like person A. who is doing these magnificent things and making all this wonderful money.
When in reality the only way for me to become fulfilled is to do be exactly who I am to the highest version of myself.
I will run around confused and in a cloud of trying to discover who I am if I continue looking to other people for the answer.
Figuring out who you are is not as difficult as it seems, it is extremely uncomfortable and definitely scary. But it is not difficult.
Ask yourself this. What do you like and dislike? Simple question. Could you make a list?
If you can make a list and see that you spend way more time doing things you dislike than things you like then we are on to something.
Once I became clear about Who I was by identifying the things that I loved to do life became pretty simple, spend as much time as possible doing the things you love and as little time as possible doing the things you hate or dislike.
Now, this does not mean that I eat ice cream and cookies all day long, it means I do the things that I am afraid to do because of what others might think of me. Like public speaking, writing a book, making silly movies or videos.
I mean do the things that you know fulfill you and stop doing the things that don’t.
Do not confuse being full, with being fulfilled. Cookies and ice cream will fill me, but it will not fulfill me to the level of peace, happiness and longterm growth that I seek.
So, to do this we must SMASH those stupid ideas of what we believe success and failure to be and open our selves up to who we really are.
We are all different in some way, explore that. Before you can become the most fantastic person in the world find out Who you are.
“When I stopped trying to be someone else, I realized I already was someone.” -Me
That truth opened up a new universe of possibilities, where Success and Failure do not exist there is only experiencing life just as it is. If I am not pleased with my life then I must make a change.
So, I ask you. Who are you? Are you happy with your ideas of life?
Does Your Connection Suck?
I am reminded again and again of something on my daily walk through life. The darkness and disconnect is all a symptom of my action. On days that I feel lonely and apart from the world its usually not because I am not surrounded by people.
It is like I am in a dark room holding a lamp in one hand and the plug in the other hand. The room is pitch black but I remember where the outlet is. I know it is on the wall near where I am standing.
I also know that apart from one another the plug and the outlet have no significance and that they will not come together on their own.
So, my only job when trying to get back to the light is to connect the source of light with the outlet. I must be willing to take action and plugin.
It is like this with life. I can sit in the dark recesses of my mind feeling sad thinking that there is no light and beginning to believe that there never was light.
Or, I can take the simple action of searching for the source of power and plugging into it.
It is my choice whether or not I take the action, but it is also a choice to not believe the darkness is the only thing that exists.
I have to remember where I am standing and the light that is inside of me, in this case the lamp that I hold, and move towards the source of power.
I simply mean that when we are stuck in a dark place remember the light that you hold, then move your butt and plug it into the source of power. Connecting to other people and a higher power is it.
When you are disconnected remember that the light socket will not accidentally find the plug. Get up and go find it. Get plugged in and live in the beauty of the light.
The Absolute Best Way to Get in Shape! Guaranteed!
I have lost 100lbs twice in my life.
I have lost over 40lbs five separate times.
I have gone from being extremely unhealthy out of shape and sick to healthy, happy and successful more times than I can remember.
I learned this a long time ago and it is something that works every single time without fail.
First, let me make this clear.
When eating oreo’s or cake or other things that are bad for you do you spend days researching the best way to eat said pleasurable delight or do you shove that crumbly sweet goodness in your mouth and thank God it was invented? NO, probably not.
When busy doing nothing while lying on the couch watching TV, for the 100th hour that week, did you research the best way to lay still and shut your brain down while watching the Kardashians? NO, you are not an idiot.
So, you have spent zero time researching how to get fat and out of shape, but somehow you made it, you did it you are fat and out of shape.
Its amazing right? How could it be? “I didn’t even google how to become fat and tired and depressed it just happened.” We say to our selves.
It is not amazing, it simply is the truth of the secret I am about to share with you about getting in shape. If you are smart, then you probably already figured it out.
The Secret To Getting in Shape and Finding Happiness!
Alright, here it is. After years of losing hundreds of pounds going back and forth between fat and in shape I discovered the secret that works for every human being alive.
Stop reading this shit and get started moving!!!
Why do we feel the need to do so much freaking research into getting healthy, it is a simple process that we have made so complicated.
You do not need:
- Protein Powder
- diet pills
- expensive gym memberships
- certified personal coaches
- waist trimming belts
- diet books
- diet blogs
- exercise blogs
You do not need:
- To figure out the molecular structure of a Fat cell
- To starve yourself
- To set goals
- To get motivated
- To get inspired
YOU NEED TO START MOVING AND STOP THINKING!!
Your goals are killing you. Your thoughts and ideas are killing you.
You can’t see past your perfect idea of looking just like someone else.
We forget so quickly how fun and easy moving is. How enjoyable eating healthy can be. It is amazing what happens to a persons mood and mind when they stop feeding it sugar and causing insane amounts of hormones to go flying through your body.
We have allowed ourselves to believe that getting in shape was so difficult and getting fat so easily.
Here is the truth, neither is hard or easy they are both simple processes that we do not need to try and figure out.
Stop making life so complicated. Oreo’s taste good and make me feel good immediately. That is why I eat them and that is why I get fat.
Exercise is sweaty and sometimes painful immediately but makes me feel great later. That is why I want to avoid it.
Stop avoiding the things that make your life better for the things that make right now only marginally more enjoyable.
If you want the secret to getting in shape, start moving and eating better. Stop believing that it is rocket science, it’s not.
YOU ARE NOT A ROCKET!
You are a Human being, that needs to become a Human Doing.
So that’s it. There is your secret.
When you realize that Truth has been the secret to life all along, you realize that you are on the right path.
So get moving, stop making excuses. If you want to be in better shape then just do it, man.
No guru or textbook or exercise program is going to work for you if you don’t work for yourself.
I had to write something!
The creation of the Word is in many ways the creation of the entire universe.
How do I get meaning into a physical form?
It must be able to convey something that I can not. Yet be understood by those able to hear it or read it.
Creation is something we do everyday whether with our mouths or our pens.
What are you creating?
Is it serving the World? Is it serving you?
I ask this because, I have been reminded today that everything can be going great in my life from my perspective, from the way I see things. However, that does not mean that someone else sees it entirely differently.
Well, what does this have to do with Creation?
It depends, what does it mean to you?
Are the words you speak or write how you would create the universe if it were up to you?
Let’s play a game. You have unlimited abilities to create anything and everything in your life.
What would you change?
How would it change you?
Remember there is a twist…
You already have the power.
What do you do now?
Be as honest as possible here. If you are miserable try and understand why and say what you would change. If you are ecstatic every day for life tell me what brings you this joy.
I am curious. I also know that we all have the power to manifest any life we choose.
Are You willing to make the choices to have it is the REAL QUESTION?
How Did I Get Here?
Some Mornings I wake up with a sense of dread, of terrified forboding that some unseen boogeyman is waiting for me just around the corner.
That the idea of my security and my survival is in immediate peril.
When I wake up like this It’s hard to shake, like trying to run from your shadow the damn thing just sticks to you.
I feel the need to run. To hide from the feeling that is pressing on me. It scares the shit out of me.
I wonder in this time: “How the hell did I get here?” And of course, I mean the proverbial here as I have not physically gone anywhere new.
I still reside in the same room day after day that I spent in my Alcoholic prison, dying from the poison I was drinking.
Now, however, I am thriving in the same space in which I was dying.
I look back over the last 8 months at what I have produced, at the content that has spewed from me and think…
How?
It is times like this when I look back that the wheels on the grocery cart that I sit in flying down the hill start to rattle a little louder than my joy and laughter.
When I remind myself of the foundation being laid at my feet I wonder if its a strong one or if it is simply old rusty grocery cart wheels.
I have written over 100 articles on my blog, published 2 books, created a podcast, 2 YouTube Channels and interviewed over 35 of my peers in the last 5 months.
The numbers baffle me, I was dead 8 months ago in every sense of the word besides a barely beating heart.
Here I am. Afraid…
It seems strange that I could have fear now, after that. But, I do.
The fear now is to never go back to that place. The fear now is can I maintain this without losing my sanity?
Then I remember, I am only here because of my higher power. The things that have been done in my life while I may have been physically producing them, did not come from me.
It is why I am in such awe of it because it wasn’t me.
To think that I ever had control of the Grocery cart was insane. I am just enjoying the ride. It is only when I think I am steering the damn thing that my mind begins to tremble.
I am along for the ride. I give it to God today because I am not all powerful and I can not do anything separate from God.
So, I will admit to my fear. I will accept it for what it is. I will let go of my idea of control. I will continue to enjoy the ride God has put me on and Trust that where ever it is leading me is where I am meant to be.
Fear will not rule me, It is not my master any longer. Fear is my tool now to see more than I was capable of seeing before.
Think The “F” Word Very Loudly and Read.
I don’t know what to do sometimes or how to help. I feel worthless by how incapable I am of saving another from their own personal damnation.
I get terrified that my inadequacy with words or money or resources is in effect killing people.
If only I had more money, I could feed these people.
If only I had a more room I could house these people.
If only I had a better solution I could save these people.
Shit…
It breaks my heart that I am incapable of swooping down and saving the world from the terrors presented by life. It tears me up now as I am in the midst of trying to be of service to people but feeling that I am falling way short…
I don’t know how to save the world.
I want to save the world…
But, I don’t know how…
I only know how to save myself. It feels cheap at times like this to say I only know how to save myself.
I feel like it is not enough; let me save others too God.
Don’t they deserve to live as much as me?
Of course they do, but it’s not my job to live for them. Ugh.
I have no ability to keep another person from a drink or drug in the same way I can control the weather. It is merely out of my control, and that sucks.
But it is what it is… I could fight that idea and try and control the weather or try and knock the bottle from another man’s hand, but ultimately these two things will do what they please and of their own accord.
My life is my own, and I like that, so I have to give up trying to make someone else’s life mine. It’s not, it is theirs and come hell or high water they are the only ones capable of living it.
As much as it hurts me to see others hurt themselves, I have no ability to stop them. I only hope they know they are loved and that it can get better.
It did for me.
I also know that what I went through was necessary for my growth and maybe the pain that they are experiencing is essential for them to grow.
I pray it doesn’t kill them first.
Stop Living in The Freaking Dumpster!
I have days of good and bad, up and down. Not everything for me is sunshine and rainbows. Although, I have been accused recently of being a liar for always being positive, which I find funny.
I see it like this; sure I am a happy guy that laughs and jokes a lot. I do not seem to let things bother me, and that is true. I do not allow things to bother me.
I spent a lot of my life accepting whatever pile of trash was dumped on my doorstep and would complain that it’s not fair why are they always dumping trash here. I would say in my whiny voice. Not realizing that I was living in the trash can.
You see, life happens to me in the same way as it happens to you. It happens, however, the hell it pleases, but I have discovered that I can change where I live mentally and how life happens on higher levels is different.
So, What I am saying is, if your happy and you know it clap your hands. If you didn’t clap, ask why you are choosing to be unhappy. More to the point, why are you allowing your mind and your body to dictate how you feel.
If you are in control of your life the way that you think you are, then shouldn’t they listen to you.
Living on a higher level means learning to manage your own thoughts and physical nature. Managing these things means that even when tired comes, or poverty shows up they are not stabbing me through the heart but are merely passing by as I walk back up the mountain.
Life knocks us all around, it hits us harder than we could ever imagine, but we do not have to succumb to every changing wind in life when we become masters of ourselves. We can grow to understand that we are in charge of these emotions that seem so out of our capacity. We are in control of our bodies that seem to want to fail and forsake us.
I am not saying becoming more in control of the things that knock us off course is possible. I am saying that we must change ourselves to become grounded in an immovable foundation. One that still can grow upwards and outwards but never loses its root.
Part 2 Interview w/ Kent Wayne A.K.A Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha Author of Echo Vol.1-4
Available on Podcast Here at “This Won’t Work” Podcast
Kent Wayne Author of the Echo Vol. 1-4 joins me on the podcast and my God was it cool. We talk everything from writing to human evolution, to drugs and alcohol and what it means to truly be alive. Dig in to part 2 of this incredible 2 part interview. Kent Wayne’s
Kent Wayne’s Website: https://dirtyscifibuddha.com/
Kent Wayne’s Podcast: https://dirtyscifibuddha.com/im-on-a-podcast-2/
Kent Wayne’s Blog: Dirty Sci-Fi Buddha- https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/35373578
Seeking Purpose Today 